Men, Take Note: Common Women's Crazies

Recently, a girlfriend and I got to talking to a guy friend who was new at this getting-close-to-the-opposite-sex thing. He relayed some “confusing” antics he encountered with this girl, who he was in the process of getting to know in the hopes of finding out if she was the one he would date or court. My girlfriend and I found his – for lack of better term – naivete endearingly amusing. He complained, “Ang labo ninyong mga babae!” Call it PMS, hormones, hyperactive emotions or just simply being a girl, but something in our XX-chromosomes must surely be to blame for these hot-and-cold behavior.

I remembered watching a couple movies few weeks ago (“Act Like A Man,” “He’s Just Not That Into You”) which reveals the “secrets” of the typical man’s playbook when it comes to dating. Most are not surprising, given I learned them first-hand from the bad thugs and immature boys I’ve dated in the past. But it was kinda funny! So to return the favor – forgive me ladies – here are some of the common crazies we women have.

1. We expect you to read our minds. When we are warm and friendly to you all throughout, then suddenly turn quiet or eerily contemplative the next moment, trust me dude, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG. Whether it’s a valid fault or imagined, in our eyes you did something bad. And we are not going to tell you what it is. We will let you stew in your juices, hoping you will figure out what it is that irked us off, and getting even more frustrated if you don’t. Consider this familiar scene:

Guy: You okay?

Girl: (gives you a dirty look) Yeah.

Guy: Did I do something wrong?

Girl: (through gritted teeth) Nooo.

Guy: (and few men would actually be this patient/persistent in asking a girl) Galit ka ba sakin?

Girl: HINDI!!! (then storms off angrily)

There are several reasons for this kind of crazy. First, we expect you to be like our girlfriends, able to know our thoughts and feelings with just an exchange of a single look. We want you to be sensitive enough to realize if you pissed us off. If you did something wrong and you’re not a complete jerk, you should know it. Second, it irritates us even more when we have to explain it you pa. If you have to ask, then you don’t need to know. Period. Third, blame those gushy, unrealistic rom-com movies out there. We want our men to be like John Lloyd Cruz or John Cusack. We want you to cry in the middle of the street on a rainy day, stricken by the very though that you have hurt us, and come running back to us, begging for forgiveness and plying us with truckloads of chocolate, flowers and fancy quotes worthy of posting and re-Tweeting. (But on a serious note, I think this also comes from a woman’s innate desire to be wooed. God designed women to be pursued. I’m not using this to justify our pa-pam-pam; I’m just saying).

So if that girl you’ve been texting with forever suddenly stops her steady stream of Where-na-you-Kumain-ka-na-Sleep-na-me-Goodnight! messages, don’t ever think she ran out of load, fell asleep or lost interest on you. Chances are, you did something (or on the extreme side, you did nothing at all) and her silence means she wants you to realize that, find out what it is, and do what you have to do. All I can say is…. happy crystal-balling guys!

2. Yes, we go to the wash room in hordes. Always. It’s because:

a. We want to borrow each other’s lipstick or hairbrush. And brutal honesty on the new set of bangs we cut ourselves.

b. We’re secretly afraid to walk past that table of another group of girls who will size up our outfits from head to toe.

c. We will talk about you guys.

d. We will talk about other guys besides you.

e. We will talk about other girls we passed by and sized up.

f. In the event we suddenly get our period or develop, er, stomach problems, we need someone sympathetic and discreet to go run out for a sanitary pad or a pack of wet wipes.

3. We like to talk about our problems – especially matters of the heart- to oblivion. And talk about it some more. A little bit more. Then rehash it several times. Then rehash it over and over again. This can take a toll even on the most patient friends, but especially for guys who are not wired to endure emotional gabfests. It’s not mostly because of self-centeredness or drama-queen tendencies (although these are also big factors), but because we feel talking about it numerous times will desensitize us about the whole thing. We are fond of subjecting our heartaches and other personal issues to countless tear-a-thons because frankly, we just want to wake up one day and suddenly find ourselves immune to Whatsisname’s charms. True story.

4. Related to #3, when we say, “We need to talk,” we don’t mean a five-minute chat where everything gets wrapped up nicely. When we want The Talk, five minutes ain’t even enough for our opening sentence. We ladies love to over-analyze every little thing. Even if you did manage to survive one of these hours-long talks and went home thinking, yey, that’s over and done with, we would still lie awake until the wee hours of the morning, agonizing over the hundred more things we “left unsaid.” So the next time your girl comes up to you and say the four dreaded words - and you are by no means ready to bare your feelings Oprah-style - run for the hills, my man! Save her the heartbreak, and save yourself from earning a place in her Most Insensitive Jerk list.

5. We don’t ask men questions because we don’t know the answer. We ask you questions we already know the answers to, because we want to hear you say we’re right. We want to be proven right. We need validation. We crave affirmation, especially from men we admire or like. Of course it’s extra ganda points for us, but it also shows us if we’re on the same page on a particular matter. (Like, do you think One Direction is better than Backstreet Boys? I would tread very carefully on this discussion my friend, especially if the girl asking this is a child of the 90’s.)

Now, in the same vein that not all men are inconsiderate jerks or players, I’m not saying all women are like those mentioned above ha, although I suspect even the most rah-rah-girl-power type felt these things at one point or another in their lives. I’m actually just poking fun on one extremely moody, emotional and crazy woman – me. 

*photo from Google