Love - It Starts With Civility

My devo this morning gave me a good pause to think. God said in 1 Corinthians 13:1, “If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” He exhorts us to “Do everything with love (1 Cor 16:14) and of course we all know the famous verses of how real love should be like in 1 Cor 13:4-7. (Our Daily Journey, RBC Ministries, 2012)

I remembered an instance when I was a fairly new Christian and were encountering various reactions (most of the violent, disbelieving kind) from friends who knew my wild past and were dismissing this change as “just another phase” for me.

An old friend was firing off one question after another about why I “coverted,” why the need to “force” other people in believing in our “movement” and others. I tried explaining it’s not about religion and struggled to illustrate it about having a personal relationship. He’s had a few drinks, but I know he is a sensible guy. Heck, he’s an intelligent guy gifted in conversations. But I felt he was attacking my inability to change because he knew my past so well and maybe didn’t think I can change, or need any religion to save me. And as I tried to lob back his arguments with bits from Scripture and my personal experience thus far, I ended up sounding very defensive and emotional. I mean, I cried on the spot.

That, I think was my ultimate mistake. I was arguing with him on the merit of defending myself. I was trying to justify my actions by seeking to find holes in his questioning and “misguided” thinking. I wasn’t trying to share the grace of God and the true meaning of the Cross to him out of  a noble desire to draw him near to the Lord nor out of genuine love for a fellow human being. I just wanted him to shut up. I was driven by a selfish, wrong motive.

Looking back now, I had prayed about that incident and that should similar situations come up, I hope God would be upon me and use my thoughts and words according to His will. I pray my heart would be clear of any erroneous or dishonest intention. I ask for the ability to be civil in discussion, especially to unbelievers, so that I may reflect not the flaws of our faith, but the power of Jesus in our lives.

Civility should never be mistaken for being “plastic” or fake friendliness. The former is about admitting you and the other parties have differences but you can discuss it calmly without resorting to petty arguments or mudslinging. Agree to disagree. The latter just buries the real issues beneath phony smiles and gestures. Opportunities for improvements are never discussed in the open so they are never given a chance to be resolved.

I had a friend that I had a gap a while back. For months after he hurt me, I completely ignored him. I felt vindicated and justified my actions by thinking, well at least hindi ako namamlastic. Only later did I realize I was not acting out of love. It was hard at first but when he approached me, instead of rebuffing him with harshness, I was civil. We didn't solve all our problems and we never got back to being the close friends we were before but it's better now. At least, we became friends again.

I hope we will also have the gift of discernment to see this on those people running for office this coming May elections. Times like these are always abounding in dirty politicking and smear campaigns between opposing parties.

In the past, I’ve been called “plastic” so many times if it happened now and I walked around Elbi or Muntinlupa, I would’ve been outlawed. Bawal ang plastik sa Los Banos at Muntinlupa. It was a very mean and unproductive quality I have that I truly regret and even now I call upon God’s grace everyday to help me be civil – not to be a phony – in my interactions with people I have disagreements with.

“Let’s make it our personal project to reveal God’s great love as we debate and discuss today’s issues with others.” ~ Roxanne Robbins (Our Daily Journey, RBC Ministries, 2012)

 * pictures grabbed from commonsenseatheism.com and www.wemakethefunny.com.  No copyright infringement intended. 

Love

A P.S. entry I was going to publish earlier, but got side-tracked by a lot of stuff, sowee. ;)

Good to know I've learned quite a few points about this wonderful, perplexing emotion - from a friend's break up, other people's (esp fellow singles') own views and perceptions, couples' love stories, the preachings at church during the 3-week "Will You" series about biblical love, friendship and relationships, the "Seasons of Love" talk we attended. I'm not saying I became an expert (ha! Far from it!) but it did open my eyes (and yes, my heart) to some new principles. Old mindsets were broken, previous notions debunked or validated.

We're all too familiar with the 1 Cor 13 verses. Heck, I knew it by heart when I heard the dying Mandy Moore say it to reformed bad boy Shane West (cue sniffles and tears). Years later, I came to appreciate its deeper meaning because I know now that the love being described there is also God.

Because of our innate desire to love and be loved, we often jump into relationships too soon. We want the first one that comes our way to be The One. I know I did. And because I was still insecure, incomplete and had a distorted concept of love, I failed. We failed. Many times.

In my three decades I realized I'm not yet ready to be 100% to love someone in the unconditional, selfless kind of love we all should aspire.

I did an exercise our pastor showed us couple of weeks ago. I asked myself:

Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I not envy? Do I boast? Am I proud? Am I rude? Am I not self-seeking? Do I get angry easily? Do I keep a record of wrongs? Do I delight in evil or find joy in the truth? Do I protect always? Do I trust? Do I hope? Do I always persevere?

I know I can't love as perfectly as God does; even I can't love God as perfectly as He does me. I can't do all these all the time, but I'll hold on for that someone who will make me want to be all these not just to him, but to other people as well.