The Good, The Bad and... And The One

You were always afraid of being alone. You thought being alone equates to being lonely. You had boyfriends before, dated guys you don’t really like just for the sake of not being single. This explains why you held on to past relationships longer than you should have, wasted time, money and effort on imagined attractions, and ruined friendships because you thought they could be more than that. Several times you fell into the trap of being in love with the idea of love because the opposite thought of it was, well, lonely.

It’s true that our God is a jealous God. Until He knows that you love Him above everything else, He’s not going to send another person that will take your eyes off Him. And because He loves you so much, He wants to make sure the next one He sends your way will love and treat you in the way He intended to be. And because you are His precious daughter, He made sure those shoes would be really big to fill!

Now you realize why God sent you the bad boys, those insensitive, emotionally-impaired, commitment-phobes who broke your heart and turned you bitter at first, but wiser and stronger later on. He did that so when He does send you a good guy, you’d know the difference. The good ones will let you know that men like these do exist, and they can see you not as broken or defective like you used to view yourself, but just as God sees you: complete, able and worth the bother. You may not end up with the first good guy you cross paths with, but then you’ll know that there’s The One out there who’s meant just for you.

With faith and prayer, claim that The One is doing exactly what you’re doing right now: praying for you. Believe that your future guy is also patiently readying himself, working on becoming the man you deserve so that when you finally meet him, it will be at the right place, at the right time – His time. God indeed has perfect timing, but you can’t leave it all up to Him, right? When the right time comes, it also helps if you’re at the right place and you’re doing the right thing. Trust that whoever he is or wherever he's at right now, he is on his way to you, and he is trying to get to you as fast as God is allowing him to. 

Books I Read: Let's Talk Love...

I started reading two books simultaneously this month. I finished one and am half-way through the other. Thank God for some idle time at work I can catch up on my reading, plus I don’t fall asleep on my desk, since my station is set apart from my team’s inner pod. I highly recommend reading – and re-reading and Stabilo Boss-ing portions and taking copious notes from – these two books. Here’s the first one…

“The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition” by Gary Chapman

I got mine at Fully Booked in MOA for about PHP 280, but it's also available in Powerbooks and National Bookstore. From the book’s back blurb, Gary Chapman is a New York Times bestselling author, radio host and prolific conference speaker on marriage and relationships. His original book catered mainly for married couples, but after it became a hit, he was inspired to write one targeting singles. I actually saw versions for teenagers and children as well.

His basic premise is that every human has an innate emotional need to love and be loved. And I totally agree on that! Furthermore, if we know how to love others effectively (and others can do the same for us) it would drastically change how we relate to each other - for the better.  

Enter the five love languages, namely: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Tie and Physical Touch. Chapman discusses how each of us - while we may all “speak” or demonstrate all five in or relationships - have a primary (sometimes even secondary) love language. This is the language that we often manifest to people we love or care about, and usually is also the kind of love language we respond to most successfully when spoken to us. By discovering our own love language and of our loved ones, we can show them love in the language they speak and would respond to more effectively.

For example, if my primary language is Physical Touch, I like to hug, kiss or be close to people who are special to me. Likewise, if a loved one touches me, I feel more loved and taken cared of.  A person’s love language can also be discerned not only on what he positively shows, but through his complaints as well. If you shower your girlfriend with gifts but are rarely around her and she complains about not seeing you enough, chances are her love language is Quality Time. Constantly berating a child whose love language is Words of Affirmation will likely have a more hurtful impact.

I cannot do justice to the book by just a few statements. It’s definitely worth reading. The book also contains dozens of stories about the many singles and couples Chapman has counseled through the years using the five love languages. But what I love most about it is ultimately, it discusses love in the way God intended it to be. It doesn’t only tackle romantic, “kilig” love but also genuine love between parent and child, friends, families and even coworkers. In the same way that you would want to learn the language or dialect of a foreign country where you’re at, in order to be able to understand its people and live harmoniously with them, then it makes sense to learn the love language of people you care about. 

There are references to Scripture verses that are apt in our daily living and relationships. At the end, there is also a profile quiz to see what your love language/s is/are. Some people can actually be “bilingual” and have two primary love languages. I suggest taking the quiz first before reading it so there will be no bias or “manipulation” of answers. I actually had an idea what mine was (primary and secondary) but it was still fun to actually confirm it haha! I had some of my office mates take the quiz too. 

I found an online version of the quiz in the book, so if you're up to it, click here. You can take one for yourself, or for your child, whether you are single or married. It's fun! :)

Ten Thank You's

Since it's my tenth month and as you know, I just looove making lists, here are ten things I'm grateful for today (although, Lord, I know you have given me so much more, even the smallest stuff I didn't notice or took for granted).

1. I woke up. Thank You for another day.

2. I woke up on time even if my normally trusty alarm did not go off. Thank you for whoever liked one of my posts because the Facebook notification triggered my Blackberry to vibrate and jolted me out of dreamland.

3. My stats are continually improving! The Lord doesn't do anything half-way. Talagang from the bottom... up! Thank you for Your grace!

4. My Kept Pool team improved by 0.79%. Good job ladies, let's beat Team Myk, er I mean, the site average, hehe! Thank you Mitch, Mommy Jo and Sam.

5. Someone remembered to greet me on my "birthday." Thank you for stepping up this time. 

6. I didn't feel any resentment, bad vibes or the need for sarcasm today. Woo-hoo! Thank You for guarding my heart and tongue. 

7. I  bought a new BB stick. Yihee! Thank You for the provision, even for my cheap kikay thrills. 

8. Was roaming the mall alone and unexpectedly bumped into Honey, Hernie, Leni and Cy at North Park and had impromptu dinner and catch up chikahan. Thank You for blessing us with good food, laughter and getting us all home safely.

9. Got home a bit later than usual and found my sister Jean already washed all the dishes (my nightly assignment) and even left me chicken pochero for dinner. Thank you to my uber-helpful family. 

10. Found Ging already done studying for her exams and sound asleep but woke up just enough to kiss me goodnight. Thank God for a smart and independent daughter.

"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live." ~ 1Thessalonians 5:16-18 MSG

Because We All Have Storm Stories To Tell

Written August 12, 2012.

The floods brought about by the Storm-With-No-Name monsoon in the past week obviously affected the lives of countless people. Some lost their homes, their possessions, their livelihoods. Some lost a friend, a neighbor, a loved one, a beloved pet. Maybe some out there also lost a little bit of faith, of hope.

For the fortunate ones, the nasty weather meant nothing but a little inconvenience, an excuse to miss school or work and stay home in a warm, dry bed, watch TV or tinker with the laptop all day (Guilty!). We watched the news with a mixture of horror and sympathy as brown waters engulfed countless towns and provinces, and we wished we could do more for them than a couple of prayers and some bags of old clothes and canned goods.

The message in the service today really touched me. This is not the first and last storm that will come. And this is not the only storm we will encounter in our lives. Even in sunny weather, we are constantly beset by other "storms," big or small: problems at home, pressure at school, issues at work, heartbreak, broken relations, rocky friendships, financial woes, wavering faith.

Pastor Adrian's question struck me hard: What do you do when a storm hit you?

Difficult times like these always bring out a myriad of reactions from us. We panic at the first sign of trouble and immediately ask for help. We get scared and angry and ask the heavens, why do these things happen to us? That was how I normally reacted before whenever things become rocky or they don't go the way I planned them to. "Ano ba naman yan God, problema na naman? Hindi pa nga tapos yung huli, meron na naman bago?"

I'm a fairly young Christian, but even before, I was taught to trust in God, to trust in Jesus. Nowadays, even as I continuously work on building my relationship with Him, I still fall into the trap of worrying. Sometimes, I'm still afraid. I have to constantly remind myself to trust that He is in control. God is indeed bigger and stronger than my "storms."

At the same time that the heavy rains were drenching almost everything in its path and wreaking havoc in cities and towns, I was also trying to weather some personal storms: a strong wind of obedience to Him but which hurt someone I love and respect; whether to take refuge from a steady downpour of affection from someone that both delights yet confuses me at the same time; the constant thundering of uncertainty in my career and wrestling with the long-overdue decision of whether to finally step out of my comfort zone.These storms are still raging inside me as I write this, and they won't just dissipate any time soon. But knowing that I am not alone in this keeps me going.

In Matthew 8:23-27, "Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, 'Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!' He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, 'What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!'"

I remember when Ging was younger. Like any typical kid, she used to be very afraid when there's a storm and sharp lightning bolts would slice the sky and the loud grumble of thunder would immediately follow. She would jump in bed with me if at home, or would scoot close to me and hug me if we happen to be outside. She was scared but as long as I was there to hold her, she would be fine. She trusted in me not to let anything bad happen to her.

I pray that I would be like this with Jesus more often. That when a storm hits me, when I feel uncertain, inadequate or desolate, I will be as calm as He is. The Bible says in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit."

When faced with a storm, it doesn't matter where I am, but who I'm with.



*Illustration from Google. No copyright infringement intended.

Quotes and random thoughts

I know they are just a pool of really talented writers and a cast of gorgeous, talented actors. But hey, I'm a sucker for tears and quotable quotes. Go Grey's Anatomy! Yey.

Why celibacy can rock: Intimacy is a four syllable word for "Here is my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without.

Well, yeah, you can forgive and forget. But then, not always. People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

After a long week acting all grown up busy at work, budgeting bills and whatnot, there are some weekends you just want to kick back and do crazy stuff like you're sixteen again. There comes a point in your life when you're officially an adult. Suddenly, you're old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious... a grown up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

Six years in the company and you wonder why you haven't reached that top yet. Maybe because you stopped trying. Time to get out of the comfort zone. That career workshop speaker yesterday was really witty and inspiring. I wanna kick ass and look gorgeous like her. They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of a mountain. They’re smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They don’t take pictures along the way cos who wants to remember the rest of it. We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level. Nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember. We just wanna remember the view from the top. The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. That’s what keeps us climbing. And it’s worth the pain. That’s the crazy part. It’s worth anything.

Remember how we always want the good things to stay the same, forever? Yeah, right. Every cell in the human body regenerates on average every seven years. Like snakes, in our own way we shed our skin. Biologically we are brand new people. We may look the same, we probably do, the change isn't visible at least in most of us, but we are all changed completely forever. When we say things like "people don't change" it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

Love, lust, desire, loneliness, insecurity, even just mere attraction. They can turn any rational, normal person into a complete basket case. Nobody chooses to be a freak. Most people don't even realize they're a freak until it's way too late to change it. But no matter how much of a freak we end up being, chances are there's still someone out there for you. Unless they've already moved on, because when it comes to love even freaks can't wait forever.