No More What If's

The movie One More Chance is famous for its quotable quotes. We all know that you-had-me-at-my-best tearjerker, for instance. But a while ago, when I caught the film for the nth time at Cinema One, one of Basha's lines earlier in the movie  caught my fancy (it's not verbatim because I forgot to take it down and Google just spewed off the usual lines):

"I don't want to keep wondering what if; I want to know what is."

Ganda. I'm sure anyone who's ever yearned about stepping out of their comfort zone, of wanting change in their lives, has uttered this line or some variation of it. 

Yeah, some changes are inevitable: puberty, hormones, wrinkles, getting older, death. Those are the inescapable changes life bring. But there are those kinds that actually require effort from us. Loving someone, following our dreams, turning a new leaf, forgiving someone, moving on - these require actions and decisions. More often than not, these aren't just results of our circumstances. It's a will issue. We know what to do or where we're going, but it's still our decision if we will go through it.So says Michael Jackson, if we want change, we gotta start with the man (or woman) in the mirror. 

At times we resort to using excuses to mask our fears, insecurities or inabilities. We say we're not ready when we're just afraid. We use the cliche we don't have the time because whatever or whoever it was that was asking for our time and attention just isn't important enough to us. It's not a matter of having time; it's about making the time. If it matters to us, we'll definitely make time. If not, then we're just playing until it starts getting too much of a responsibility and then we drop it just like that. 

Again, it's a decision. For instance, love. Loving someone is a decision, and you know what, so is moving on. Yeah, we might just wake up one morning and realize all the feeling is gone, but we actually decided beforehand to get to that point.

While some of us are innately brave, for some, it takes additional effort to muster the guts. So if it's asking too much for courage, then at least have respect. Respect yourself and the people around you. Sometimes playing too safe to avoid pain or hurting others can actually backfire; we end up hurting even more, and betraying the trust of those we care about.

I'm all for being cautious in decisions and guarding our hearts as well. But I also believe that sometimes, our well-laid plans get disrupted for good reasons. God is aligning our lives with His will, and it's all for the best. But following God's will doesn't give us license to hurt others or act like jerks. Instead, this knowledge should make us more humble, give us the confidence to be honest and trustworthy.

I once heard it said that the worst feeling in the world is that never-ending barrage of what-if's: regret. So yeah, maybe it's about time we start focusing on what is and what will be instead of the what if's that we can't bring back, yes?

Kinda Like a Double-edged Sword

We all have at least one quality that is both our strength and weakness. The very same thing that sets us apart and above others can very well be the same that can hold us back or bring us down. I guess it just depends on how we use it.

Take me, for instance. On one hand, I'm called a "people person.," able to get along and empathize with almost any kind of people. Hindi ako choosy sa kaibigan. I may not be the type to suffer polite, small talk, but that's because I like to dive right into a juicy, get-to-know-you kind of chikahan. Call it FC ("feeling close"), but hey, it works for me. On the other hand, I'm also inclined to become fiercely attached, often wearing my heart on my sleeve. I love a good laugh about things I'm passionate about, and a good cry over people I value.

Someone recently told me, "Masyado ka nang nagiging emotionally dependent." I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it as a compliment, because the way he said it made me feel like I had to apologize. How do you say sorry for feeling?

Strength. Weakness. Again, it depends on how I use it. Or how others use it against me. My mentor once imparted to me, "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone." And as if to prove his point, he went right ahead and traipsed off outside our comfortable seven-year bubble and into the busy jungle of Makati.

Our comfort zones can be an actual place we can't leave, a situation we're getting stagnant at, a routine we're so used to we can't let it go, or the very people who have surrounded us for so long we have taken them for granted. Oftentimes, comfort and familiarity can breed laziness, and change may just be what can zap us back into action.

I just have to always keep in mind to trust in the Lord Jesus; He who is far greater, perfect, faithful and glorious than all my emotions and plans, capabilities and struggles put together.

P.S. I was about to post this when all my anaks' text messages came in, one sweet, encouraging text after another. I love you all back. :)

P.P.S. We'll resume our regular programming by next week. In the meantime..... vacation-mode munaaaaaaa! :)

The Long and Short Of It

Contrary to popular belief, I did not cut my hair because of some boy. Geez, give me some credit please, and stop calling me Bianca Manalo or Basha. In fact, ask him. I’ve been meaning to change my hair style for months- and kept on yapping about it - but was being a total wuss at the prospect of cutting my locks, which took more than three years to grow out.

It actually grew out from a really short pixie I had in early 2008. I guess I just got tired of going back and forth to my trusty parlorista (who has been cutting my hair since high school) so I just left it alone, so it grew and grew. In the last three years, my hair has been colored quite a few shades several times (Light to Medium Brown, Chestnut, Caramel and Coffee), layered, banged, ironed, plagued with split ends, the occasional flakes due to stress and switching hair products, threatened by hair lice when my daughter brought a head-full of it from school, and most recently curled, until I finally had it chopped off. 

A few samples to show the "evolution." Clockwise from top left: supershort pixie in March 2008 until half of 2009 when I stopped cutting it; growing it out in August 2010; bangs and lighter shade in March 2011; longer and fuller in December 2011, curly from May-Sept 2012; sleek and short October 2012.

I love my new shorter 'do:

Because it takes less time to dry and style. I don’t have to go to sleep with several meters of sopping wet hair, soaking up my pillow and risking insanity. Remember the old wives’ tale of going to sleep with wet hair? Actually, I don’t remember if it causes one to go crazy, blindness or white hair. In any case, I think I got some of all three: I'm kinda lukaret, my eyesight has worsened and I have several strands of uban. In  the morning, I stick my head out the window or under the office washroom’s hand dryer for two minutes and voila! Instant hairdo!

I save on shampoo, conditioner, gel and hair serum. Sometimes I can skip conditioner, as there are no long strands that get tangled up. My curls used to be high-maintenance as well, requiring several fistfuls of gel to stay in place and achieve that I-jumped-out-of-the-bed-looking-this-delightfully-rumpled-and-did-not-spend-ages-in-front-of-the-mirror-fixing-it look.

Shows my neck and cheekbones more, Yeah, as if my bony structure need more emphasis haha! Plus, some said I look just a bit plumper (my face anyway) with shorter hair.

I don’t get to feed my jeepney or bus seatmate with clumps of wet hair when I fall asleep and forget to tie back my hair while commuting in the morning.

Sometimes, I do miss my long hair:

When I want to look and feel like a girl, flipping my hair when I’m happy or kilig (to that expression, "Ang haba ng hair mo teh!") I look even more boyish (some would say, baklaish) with my short hair. Plus, I lost more than eight pounds after cutting it. It’s either I really did lose weight (horrors!), or my hair actually weigh that much. I vote for the latter.

Long hair has more options in styling. I can go from chaka-bun-look to pa-mysterious-effect heroine with loose waves.

My profile pics look better with more hair! *vanity shots lang!*

Anyway, it’s gonna grow out soon. In the meantime, I have more pressing problems to face. Like, how to gain those eight pounds back, and more.