No More What If's

The movie One More Chance is famous for its quotable quotes. We all know that you-had-me-at-my-best tearjerker, for instance. But a while ago, when I caught the film for the nth time at Cinema One, one of Basha's lines earlier in the movie  caught my fancy (it's not verbatim because I forgot to take it down and Google just spewed off the usual lines):

"I don't want to keep wondering what if; I want to know what is."

Ganda. I'm sure anyone who's ever yearned about stepping out of their comfort zone, of wanting change in their lives, has uttered this line or some variation of it. 

Yeah, some changes are inevitable: puberty, hormones, wrinkles, getting older, death. Those are the inescapable changes life bring. But there are those kinds that actually require effort from us. Loving someone, following our dreams, turning a new leaf, forgiving someone, moving on - these require actions and decisions. More often than not, these aren't just results of our circumstances. It's a will issue. We know what to do or where we're going, but it's still our decision if we will go through it.So says Michael Jackson, if we want change, we gotta start with the man (or woman) in the mirror. 

At times we resort to using excuses to mask our fears, insecurities or inabilities. We say we're not ready when we're just afraid. We use the cliche we don't have the time because whatever or whoever it was that was asking for our time and attention just isn't important enough to us. It's not a matter of having time; it's about making the time. If it matters to us, we'll definitely make time. If not, then we're just playing until it starts getting too much of a responsibility and then we drop it just like that. 

Again, it's a decision. For instance, love. Loving someone is a decision, and you know what, so is moving on. Yeah, we might just wake up one morning and realize all the feeling is gone, but we actually decided beforehand to get to that point.

While some of us are innately brave, for some, it takes additional effort to muster the guts. So if it's asking too much for courage, then at least have respect. Respect yourself and the people around you. Sometimes playing too safe to avoid pain or hurting others can actually backfire; we end up hurting even more, and betraying the trust of those we care about.

I'm all for being cautious in decisions and guarding our hearts as well. But I also believe that sometimes, our well-laid plans get disrupted for good reasons. God is aligning our lives with His will, and it's all for the best. But following God's will doesn't give us license to hurt others or act like jerks. Instead, this knowledge should make us more humble, give us the confidence to be honest and trustworthy.

I once heard it said that the worst feeling in the world is that never-ending barrage of what-if's: regret. So yeah, maybe it's about time we start focusing on what is and what will be instead of the what if's that we can't bring back, yes?

Respect or Trust

Which would you rather have people give you, their respect or their trust?

The following may or may not be true but they’re just my two cent's worth. These could just be mindless rambling of a sleep-deprived girl on a Milo-overdose.

You can respect someone by virtue of their position, stature or authority. You might not agree with him all the time nor respect his values for example, but you have to at least respect his superiority over you somewhat. Then there is the kind of respect that’s earned, that’s a result not only of one’s position but also as product of his character and values. That’s good.

But for me, trust goes deeper than respect or admiration. It connotes some kind of dependency. There’s a sense of confident reliance on this person, as if you could fall with your eyes closed and he’d catch you, no questions asked.  You might respect someone’s opinions, views and decision for their sheer rationality and sense, but you may or may not follow them. But when you trust someone’s word, there’s some sort of expectation that you would believe him, follow him through because, heck, you trust him with your secrets and life!

Both should be earned. They can't be bought, bribed, sweet-talked, borrowed, threatened nor traded in. Both take time to build, though I believe trust takes longer. But who am I to talk; I trust people at the drop of a hat. But once this trust is broken, it takes me for-e-ver to give it back, especially if say, the person or persons involved don’t do anything to try to earn back what was lost. I like to think that if you have both the respect and trust of others, then you have credibility. And that’s a huge and awesome thing to have. 

*photo lifted from savagechickens.com. No copyright infringement intended.