Let Go and Live

I woke up early today and found this in my inbox. A great and inspiring read to start the vacay right. Kinda echoes what a lot of us have been feeling and thinking about in the last few months. I'm a huge believer of giving value to ourselves and not letting any other person or even our past define who we are. I super appreciate the friend who forwarded this.

*emphasis added by me

By Albert Einstein

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love, but the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep with in your being.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving them, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness scare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow your pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end our efforts are still unearned and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving.

Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings, but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow; if you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

UP Kong Mahal

The recent deaths of two young women - the suicide of the UPM student and the murder of an 11-year-old girl in our barangay - made me stop and think. 

I can't even comment on the issue of suicide, because, as it has been repeatedly said in the last few days, it is indeed a complex matter and we can't just point to a single reason why this happens. 

It just made me think of how I had taken for granted my own stay in UP. I graduated from UP Rural High School, which is the preparatory secondary school here in UPLB. Back then (1996), only 160 students were accepted every year (this has been cut down to 120 in the last few years, I believe, since they removed one section comprising of 30 students per year level). 

*Old Rural building in front of St. Therese Chapel (now the Math Building) where we spent Freshman-Junior year. We had to relocate to the new site for our Senior Year.

Our tuition back then was a little more than PHP 1000 per year, and for this we got some of the best teachers in the area, more freedom compared to other private high schools and more or less the confidence that we have a better chance of getting into a good college, preferably UP. I remembered that while I got decent grades (except Math and some sciences with numbers and all, which I managed to pass by mercy of my teachers and copying from my friends), I never really exerted much effort. I was busier with extra-curricular activities and typical teenage rebellion stuff like barkada, vices and cutting classes. I shudder when I think of Ging going to high school, and as early as now I am praying to God she doesn't end up like me, haha! 

Ruralites did have a rep of being mayabang, especially once they get into UP colleges. Since we were the high school counterpart of UPLB, we had a tendency to look down on other schools, and act all smug when, say, we had to read The Little Prince or Of Mice and Men in Humanities subjects and we'd go like, yeah, we read that in high school already. I'm not saying we're all like that; I'm speaking for myself and some people I would rather not name. I don't think most of us even took the UPCAT reviews the school offered the summer before senior year quite seriously. Most of us were just glad for some excuse to get allowance during the summer. 

*The new site in Paciano, Bay. We were the pioneer batch and the word 'rural" took on a whole new meaning for us. Barriotic talaga when we first came here!

I guess this confidence was the reason why I didn't bother to take any entrance exams from other colleges. That and that my mother was a UP employee, so I figured she and her friends can figure something out in case I got wait-listed or something. A lot of my high school friends were also kids of UP staff so we shared this feeling of dependence.

Thankfully (and now I attribute this to the sheer grace of God!), I passed the UPCAT and got into my college and course of choice. For the next four years, my tuition was PHP 45 per semester because of the Tuition Fee Exemption (TFE) granted to children of UP staff and employees. If I want to add another subject, it cost PHP 10. During my last two years, I would often resort to late reg and just do pre-rog to my instructors once classes start, instead of queuing for hours in the registration line. I paid PHP 50 for late fine. My two other sisters also went to UPRHS and UPLB. My eldest sister took Medicine in UP Manila, and my other sister is taking up her Masters in UPLB now (she's a UP employee now too; my mom retired two years ago). Nowadays, the cost of one unit would've been enough to put me through college for many, many years. While I got better grades in college (even landing in the honor roll and college scholar list a few times), I still lived a pretty laid back, partying lifestyle. I got pregnant during my second year but still managed to graduate only a semester after my peers. Looking back now, I never had to worry about paying my tuition, allowance, food or lodging; we lived right in campus. I hope my daughter will never have to experience that too, and will value her education much more than I did. I have such high regard for those students who study hard and work even harder to stay in school and not take any of these for granted.

*The familiar UP Los Banos signage upon entering the UP Gate

* Si Oble. Behind him is the Humanities building and my college org's fave hangout, the Hum Steps.

The other news is that of the young girl found dead two weeks after she went missing. She was found just a few villages from where I live! The jeepney-pedicab route that goes from the Animal Science area inside campus and plies the route of subdivisions around the campus perimeter (including our own village) is a familiar route me, Ging, Ige and my family have taken numerous times. It hit closer to home because Ging is also 11. The moment someone texted me the news and I saw it on the bus TV  as well, I immediately texted my mom and sister and asked them to hug my daughter and keep a close eye on her. My heart goes out to the victim's family. Losing a child is one of the greatest pain any parent can go through, I hate to even imagine how that feels.

UPLB has been in the news the last couple of years due to some recent crimes and deaths. I hope the local government will continually do something about these and not just while the issue is hot.

Let us just pray for these two girls, and for their families as well. For whatever reasons these incidents happened, let us hope for healing, peace and awareness to come to our hearts and communities. 

Respect or Trust

Which would you rather have people give you, their respect or their trust?

The following may or may not be true but they’re just my two cent's worth. These could just be mindless rambling of a sleep-deprived girl on a Milo-overdose.

You can respect someone by virtue of their position, stature or authority. You might not agree with him all the time nor respect his values for example, but you have to at least respect his superiority over you somewhat. Then there is the kind of respect that’s earned, that’s a result not only of one’s position but also as product of his character and values. That’s good.

But for me, trust goes deeper than respect or admiration. It connotes some kind of dependency. There’s a sense of confident reliance on this person, as if you could fall with your eyes closed and he’d catch you, no questions asked.  You might respect someone’s opinions, views and decision for their sheer rationality and sense, but you may or may not follow them. But when you trust someone’s word, there’s some sort of expectation that you would believe him, follow him through because, heck, you trust him with your secrets and life!

Both should be earned. They can't be bought, bribed, sweet-talked, borrowed, threatened nor traded in. Both take time to build, though I believe trust takes longer. But who am I to talk; I trust people at the drop of a hat. But once this trust is broken, it takes me for-e-ver to give it back, especially if say, the person or persons involved don’t do anything to try to earn back what was lost. I like to think that if you have both the respect and trust of others, then you have credibility. And that’s a huge and awesome thing to have. 

*photo lifted from savagechickens.com. No copyright infringement intended.

I Am Loved

I had the privilege of leading our Victory Group session earlier today. And praise God our little group is complete, despite each of our own hectic skeds, travels and chores at home. We usually have our Bible study at Kaphe, a quirky coffee shop right at the SEARCA Dorm lobby. Their Genmaicha, Lemongrass iced tea and homemade Oreos are Sunday faves.

So glad to be reminded of God's love, and blessed by my group mates' sharing of how His love is evident in their lives as well.

"...The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." ~Exodus 34:6-7 

Indeed God is compassionate and gracious. He is merciful. He is God - high and mighty - yet stoops down on us inferior humans to extend grace and favor. Like a father who disciplines the children He loves, yet still provides a way for us to be redeemed - through His son Jesus. The verse mentions "wickedness, rebellion and sin" to show that there is no sin God is unable to forgive.

God is slow to anger. He is long suffering. He is ever patient with us, and I'm glad He is. Imagine if we have a short-fused God who gets irate at the tiniest mistake. Lagot tayo diyan!

God abounds in love and faithfulness. I remember a line from the song "One Thing Remains" (Jesus Culture) that stuck to me for days after first hearing it: "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me." Imagine  if God's love is just adequate or "sakto lang." What would happen to us if God's love has a limit, if it is not unconditional, like how most of us love others? It is so abundant that while we were still sinners, He forgave us through Christ dying for our sins (Romans 5:8).

This knowledge of God's love doesn't give us license to sin, but rather gives us the confidence to repent and go back to Him each time we fall.

Now since we are loved so faithfully, unconditionally and abundantly, then we can strive to love others as well. We can forgive others because God first forgave us. We are blessed so that we can be a blessing to others.

*Professional discipleship group materials available at victorylosbanos.org. 

That Unstoppable Man

Let's watch this! 

I knew I read about Nick Vujicic quite some time ago in Reader's Digest and was just amazed by how he manages to survive. Now I want to get touched by how his faith allowed him not only to live day by day but to reach out and inspire many people all over the world. 

Nick, according to Wikipedia: "is a Serbian Australian evangelist and motivational speaker born with tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs. As a child, he struggled mentally and emotionally as well as physically, but eventually came to terms with his disability and, at the age of seventeen, started his own non-profit organization, Life Without Limits. Vujicic presents motivational speeches worldwide, on life with a disability, hope and finding meaning in life. He also speaks about his belief that God can use any willing heart to do his work and that God is big enough to overcome any and all disabilities."

I came across this when Ros, the other VG leader in our merged cell group, invited us. I hope we can push through with this. He's such an admirable person who obviously went through a lot of struggles in his life, but came out with a faith in God much stronger and bolder than most people. 

We're The Lost Sheep

I'm feeling kinda ambivalent in the last couple of weeks. I'm usually okay, then I'd get sucked into sudden bursts of being down, then I'd snap out of it, then I'd drift into it again unexpectedly. Sometimes, the intensity of it catches me off guard. I'd pray and ask God, this too, shall pass... right? 

Read a recent post on blog I'm following, and I was really encouraged. I remembered the parable of the lost sheep when I read it. When a sheep wanders off from its flock, the shepherd will leave the rest in search of the lost one. She tells that to keep the sheep from wandering off again, the shepherd will break one of its legs so that the sheep may lie still and finally find peace where he's at. Otherwise, it will keep straying off and get lost forever. That's when a shepherd would make sheep "lie in green pastures." Break a leg, literally? Ouch. But believe it or not, it has happened to us many times.

I liked how she compared that to God - our own shepherd. Isn't God in perpetual search for us lost sheep who had gone astray? And when we insist on going on our own way, disobeying Him and ignoring His will, doesn't God allow us to get broken, so we can be stronger and wiser, learn harder and finally seek Him and return to Him? Because only through God can we find that elusive peace. Only through Jesus can we finally rest all our sins, worries and fears.

*Photo from lyndasgrainsofsand.blogspot.com. No copyright infringement intended.

Love

A P.S. entry I was going to publish earlier, but got side-tracked by a lot of stuff, sowee. ;)

Good to know I've learned quite a few points about this wonderful, perplexing emotion - from a friend's break up, other people's (esp fellow singles') own views and perceptions, couples' love stories, the preachings at church during the 3-week "Will You" series about biblical love, friendship and relationships, the "Seasons of Love" talk we attended. I'm not saying I became an expert (ha! Far from it!) but it did open my eyes (and yes, my heart) to some new principles. Old mindsets were broken, previous notions debunked or validated.

We're all too familiar with the 1 Cor 13 verses. Heck, I knew it by heart when I heard the dying Mandy Moore say it to reformed bad boy Shane West (cue sniffles and tears). Years later, I came to appreciate its deeper meaning because I know now that the love being described there is also God.

Because of our innate desire to love and be loved, we often jump into relationships too soon. We want the first one that comes our way to be The One. I know I did. And because I was still insecure, incomplete and had a distorted concept of love, I failed. We failed. Many times.

In my three decades I realized I'm not yet ready to be 100% to love someone in the unconditional, selfless kind of love we all should aspire.

I did an exercise our pastor showed us couple of weeks ago. I asked myself:

Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I not envy? Do I boast? Am I proud? Am I rude? Am I not self-seeking? Do I get angry easily? Do I keep a record of wrongs? Do I delight in evil or find joy in the truth? Do I protect always? Do I trust? Do I hope? Do I always persevere?

I know I can't love as perfectly as God does; even I can't love God as perfectly as He does me. I can't do all these all the time, but I'll hold on for that someone who will make me want to be all these not just to him, but to other people as well.

Buh-bye February, You Were Great!

Whew, whatta week!

Let's back track a bit to the weekend. my office barkada and I went back to Sitio Sampaloc, Zambales for some much-needed break and jump start the summer. What was planned as a big-group annual lakad dwindled to just seven of us plus a couple of new pals - Riz, her friends, me, Aclo, Honey, Leni, Boop and Cy, the last three being first-timers to the pristine, private island and the unspoiled fresh-water falls we visited last year.We had a lot of fun hanging out at the beach, eating fresh sea food, frolicking in the natural pool and stone slides and the hotdog-and-marshmallow fest around the camp fire. The only twist to the otherwise serene vacay was the trip back. 

The sun was super bright but the wind was strong, so our plan to leave the island at 10 AM was shelved. Eventually, the bangkero decided to split our group into two and our group left first at 3 PM. Call me OA but it was my first time to travel on an itty-bitty boat while huge waves rocked and drenched us. Thank the Lord we survived it (as well as the second group who sailed at night!) and we vowed never to travel on that tiny excuse of a boat without life vests. Wooh. Looking back, it was a careless thing to do, especially for a mother like me. Another blessing was when we got back in Olongapo, my sister Joy and her family were spending the night in Subic so they adopted little sunburned, starving me and fed me. It was such a luxury sleeping that night on a soft, hotel bed after a night camping on a sarong spread on the shore. I was on leave the next day so I traveled for most of the day, then watched Once Upon A Time Season 2 and rested for the rest of the day.

The next day, February 26, was a very special day for me, although I didn't really plan anything grand, since I was still bushed from the weekend's events. I was on half-day leave, though. Praised and thanked the Lord for finding and saving me a year ago. Has it been a year already? Just spent some quiet time with the only man in my life now (Hi, Jesus!), and treated myself to some cappuccino, blueberry cheesecake and a new book about a forty-something writer's personal chronicles about men and their psyche. My plan for a little city sojourn for some authentic Chinese food and buy the Bible I was looking for a while now would have to be resked muna. 

Another half-day for me the next day, since we have the management strategy planning at Parque Espana. It was a great day of realizations, looking back at the year of planning (2012) and looking forward to the year of execution (2013), games, food trip, cheese talks (watched "Who Took My Cheese?") and learned a lot from our guest speaker, Alvin from our business partner. My favorite nugget from his talk goes something like, the grass isn't always greener on the other side; you just have to water your own greens on your side. Spent the night at the posh hotel suite with Jown, Dman and Myk and had a great - if bitin and abbreviated - talk due to sleepiness and tiredness. Next time we will go swimming and try the jacuzzi, please?

I also got to spend a little time sitting beside an old friend the next day at work. Haven't really talked nor interacted with him for a quite a while. It was kinda like a case of the more things change, the more they stay the same. We still found the same things funny and by mid-day had lapsed into the same hiritans we used to do before things got, well, tricky (I was gonna say complicated but that term has gotten a bad rep when Facebook started using it as a relationship status label). In hindsight - and this I honestly say without any tinge of regret or bitterness - it occurred to me just how much pain, time and effort I could have saved myself if I had just taken his friendship at face value right from the start. Things would've been simpler if after that fateful Sunday exactly a year and two days ago, we had gone back to our own lives, each one entirely separate and different from each other and just stayed friends, in the truest sense of the word. 

Later that day was our town hall, and then I helped film my old team, Team Dorobo, do a crazy Harlem Shake dance at the office parking lot.  Watching them, I got a pang I sometimes feel when watching Ging do her own stuff now, and think back to when she was younger and can't do anything for herself and would need Mommy's help on everything. 

Capped this week with a team dinner at Bon Chon. Here's to hoping the good vibes will be a great start for the month of March. Time to put all those find-my-cheese lessons to action, eh?

Broken Hearts Need a Break Too

Okay, since it's February and a friend's situation came to mind during my quiet time, I had to write this. I can't promise this would be my last love-themes post but I'll try, okay? :)

 How do we heal a broken heart? For most of us girls, it involves endless ranting and rehashing to friends and anyone who would listen, copious amount of tears, play lists of the most heart-wrenching love songs on repeat-mode, buckets of liquor, the occasional threat of bodily harm to the guy involved (and any third party, if applicable), and a defiant hunt for the next distraction, i.e., the rebound.

Sad to say, most of us still drop into the habit of doing most of the stuff above. Sure we get well-meaning advice about moving on and focusing on the good things, but in our most vulnerable, selfish moments, it's easier to wallow in self-pity. Mas masarap magpaka-kawawa, diba, especially this time of the year, when all the Valentine brouhaha is assaulting our senses.

We've heard the saying, "Don't let your emotions take over." I think that's sound advice. But since the heart is mostly an emotional organ, I think it's also fair to give it ample time to grieve if hurt, to heal once broken. I've always believed the heart is very resilient, but just like any other living thing, if it's wounded, then it needs time to recuperate. This doesn't give us license to flounder in a victim mindset, but it does allow us to give our heart a break.

And I think this is the best time not to make any important decisions or engage in any impulsive actions. Mabuti pang mag-SL or LOA muna ang puso imbes na isabak ulit sa laban. I learned this the hard way numerous times, and I hope this time, the lesson would stick.

While diving right back into the dating scene or drowning our sorrows in alcohol and negative thoughts might seem therapeutic –and yes, it will work for a while – it’s all temporary. When the rush of a new guy or the buzz of yet another drinking binge wears off, we’re left feeling emptier and sadder than when we started.

The heart is deceitful, as well. We may think we know it and can control it, but we can't. Only God can. He knows us thoroughly, loved us even while we were still sinners, and can tell each and every desire of our hearts. It's hard and sometimes, even in my faith in Him, I struggle to come to terms with my limitations. We fall into the trap of going to Him only when all else had failed, but really, we should have come to Him from the start. 

*photo from Google. No copyright infringement intended.

Gifts, Lessons and Thoughts of the Past week

The past few days went by in a blur of calls, cold meds, flood of office emails, and the occasional skirmish or two. Had a lot of thoughts and insights during this week, too.

Started the week with a little miscommunication that hopefully, will not blow out of proportion nor extend into the next coming days. Will continue to step up though, as long as I have the best intentions in mind, and no aim to hurt nor belittle other people. Lesson learned.

Realized as well one fact of life: sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do. We can’t run on emotions alone. Even the Bible says the heart is untrustworthy. The brain and the heart have to work together; one is not superior over the other, but there are times when one has to yield to the other. This time, it pays to be smart. Well maybe not “smart,” but I guess “wiser” is more apt.

Felt kinda floating and far-off, as well. Like I belong everywhere and nowhere. I wanted a sole person to be able to tell everything without judgment, malice or wrong motives. Just plain, best-friendship. I was alternately feeling crappy and buoyant all throughout the week (must be the meds or might be bipolar?!), and while I have a lot of close friends to go to, I realized I also have a lot of friends I am hesitant on approaching.

Lastly, I came across the phrase, “the gift of discernment” and for some reason it stuck to me. Got me thinking if I have it. If not, then I pray to God he heaps me with lots of it hahaha! Wikipedia defines discernment as such:

Discernment is the activity of determining the value and quality of a certain subject or event, particularly the activity of going past the mere perception of something and making detailed judgments about that thing. As a virtue, a discerning individual is considered to possess wisdom, and be of good judgement; especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others.

I fervently hope – with God’s grace – that in everything I do, I may be able to go beyond the face value of something, to be wise enough to see what others don’t see right away, to peel off the layers and make good judgments based on the truth.

*photo from themominitiative.com. No copyright infringement intended.

Pitch Perfect is Perfectly Aca-awesome

WATCH PITCH PERFECT. Like, now na!

Ermengaaaaard! This movie really brought out the frustrated singer in me. Grabe! I was a fan of Glee on its first season but got bored by the second season and haven't watched a single episode I think after the Britney tribute.

But wow! I think if they make Pitch Perfect into a series, it's gonna whoop Glee's, er, back. I've always liked acapella pieces better, or covers with minimal instruments, like what Boyce Avenue does. It makes me focus more and appreciate just the voice and lyrics without any distracting auto-tune or snazzy electropop effects most artists are so fond of now.

The movie's about an all-girl college acapella group, The Barden Bellas, competing against an all-male rival from the same university, The Tremblemakers. Fresh from a humiliating loss last year, the remaining two Bellas recruit misfits to compete again. Beca, an aspiring music producer, finds herself in college and in the Bellas reluctantly at first, but then grows to value the group and even helps them shake up the old, tired routines with her amazing voice and musical knowledge.

Check out the trailer here!

The clip below is one of my favorite scenes, when they were preparing for the Nationals and did a mash-up of Bruno Mars "Just The Way You Are" and Nelly's "Just A Dream." Chills!

Check out their performance for the finals which I had to watch like, three times even though it's already 1 AM. Mash up of Price Tag/Don't You/Give Me Eevrything. Galing talaga!

The Good, The Bad and... And The One

You were always afraid of being alone. You thought being alone equates to being lonely. You had boyfriends before, dated guys you don’t really like just for the sake of not being single. This explains why you held on to past relationships longer than you should have, wasted time, money and effort on imagined attractions, and ruined friendships because you thought they could be more than that. Several times you fell into the trap of being in love with the idea of love because the opposite thought of it was, well, lonely.

It’s true that our God is a jealous God. Until He knows that you love Him above everything else, He’s not going to send another person that will take your eyes off Him. And because He loves you so much, He wants to make sure the next one He sends your way will love and treat you in the way He intended to be. And because you are His precious daughter, He made sure those shoes would be really big to fill!

Now you realize why God sent you the bad boys, those insensitive, emotionally-impaired, commitment-phobes who broke your heart and turned you bitter at first, but wiser and stronger later on. He did that so when He does send you a good guy, you’d know the difference. The good ones will let you know that men like these do exist, and they can see you not as broken or defective like you used to view yourself, but just as God sees you: complete, able and worth the bother. You may not end up with the first good guy you cross paths with, but then you’ll know that there’s The One out there who’s meant just for you.

With faith and prayer, claim that The One is doing exactly what you’re doing right now: praying for you. Believe that your future guy is also patiently readying himself, working on becoming the man you deserve so that when you finally meet him, it will be at the right place, at the right time – His time. God indeed has perfect timing, but you can’t leave it all up to Him, right? When the right time comes, it also helps if you’re at the right place and you’re doing the right thing. Trust that whoever he is or wherever he's at right now, he is on his way to you, and he is trying to get to you as fast as God is allowing him to. 

Believing in Sama-Sama

We had our process’ monthly town hall last Thursday. The usual format is we give awards for perfect attendance peeps, top performers and teams, and then we would have the usual games or whatever theme contests there are. This being the first of the year 2013, our People Work Stream had us bring paper and crayons for the “Draw Mo Vision Mo” segment. The four teams had to come up with a new team name, slogan and logo which would embody their team’s vision for this year.

Team Vange/Pao drew a huge octopus with six tentacles representing the six members. The headset-wearing sea creature says, “This is it, Pus It” (a word play on Push It) and envisions working together well despite six different personalities mixing in, under the guidance of our newest performance-coach-turned-relief-AMO Pao, while Vange is on maternity leave.

Team Dman/Dorobo is now Daga-Daga-Gang who is aiming for “One Team, One Goal to Success” (I’m not sure if this is verbatim, please correct me if I’m wrong!). Their logo had, of course, a rat, surrounded by stars of equal sizes and a trophy, among others. Being a consistent Dream Team awardee and constant Hit Club suki, the team foresees a year of unity and hard work with no star mentality – plus more GC’s to fund their teambuilding activities.

Team Jown will now be known as Team Juno – J for Jown and Uno for number one. They drew a shield to represent protecting our company’s customers. Their vision is to be solid to be champions!

Our team chose a catchy phrase, “Think One, Team Van.” We drew a huge number 1 surrounded by traced outline of our hands. It depicted our goal to hold hands as a symbol of unison, to be closer as a team and to our manager; hence the name Team HK (Hawak Kamay) We believe to be united as a process harmony has to start within the team. Our aim is not only to be #1 in numbers –both individually and as a team – but to give out a performance worthy of a top rating in all that we do. At the end of the day, it’s not whether we get the actual 1 or not, but that we could proudly and honestly say that win or fail, we never lacked effort in trying; we did not hold back our best. Whatever personal struggles, distractions, emotional state or mood we are in, when we are at work, our heart, mind and focus should be at doing our job and doing it well.

Last year, our process mantra was BELIEVE. The year was fraught with surprises, changes and losses. There were a lot of uncertainties going around, so I guess faith in our management and each other was important. We shrunk from 8 teams, 8 managers and 2 MO’s to now just 4 teams, 4 AMO’s and 1 MO. But what we lost in people count, we made up for stronger and closer personal and professional relationships. This is a department where team names are actually just for reports and seating plans and admin purposes; we could literally be in any other team and be happy. Each rep can go on auto-pilot even with minimal or no supervision. Most, if not all, perform not because we were told we have to, but because we know we have to – and want to.

This year, it is SAMA-SAMA. And Jown’s opening remarks at the town hall quite sums up that we are off to a good start this year. Only a month into 2013 and already we’ve had several team building activities, girls’ movie night, spaghetti parties, boys’ basketball nights, to name a few. We stuck together and partied hard during the Rewind Party in WTC, and the process Facebook group is still a popular stress-reliever for a lot of us, nyaha!

Sama-Sama. It’s all about sticking together, because, hey, we are all we’ve got. It’s about working together despite and in spite of our differences, of not pulling each other down. I believe this is where sensitivity, honesty, trust, credibility, sense of humor and just plain hard work come in. Walang petiks, walang basag trip, walang iwanan. I mean, let’s be realistic; not all of us will reach retirement in this company, let alone in this department (Good grief I hope I don’t, despite being the most tenured here haha!). But whatever other opportunities we’re looking at outside, whatever dreams we’re trying to pursue as well, whatever other rackets and whatnot we have on the side, when we’re at work, let’s give it our 110%, all day, every day!  

Aww-moments with my Ging-ging

Just want to share kasi super natuwa naman ako.

I went home feeling really crappy: my throat feels like it's being scrubbed by a steel brush every time I swallow, my nose was clogged, my head was pounding and my whole body feels really heavy and achy all over, yung parang tatrangkasuhin ka? After eating, I laid on the bare mattress on our room's floor to rest for a little while before washing the dishes. I've been squatting on the floor ever since Ging had a bout of head lice during summer and we started sleeping on separate beds para di magkahawahan. Eventually she just got used sleeping on the big bed alone and, save for a few times, she prefers having the bed all to herself. Plus she likes to sleep with the fan on full blast, even in the middle of the cold December and January nights. E lamigin ako so, off to the floor I go.

Ging was preparing to go to sleep and she noticed me almost comatose on the floor. I asked her to sit with me for a few minutes and talk about school. I must admit, most nights, in our tiredness or both distracted by chores, TV or other stuff, we neglect to really talk. That's what I'm working on improving in our relationship.

I asked her about several projects she's working on, when's the presentation and all that stuff. She mentioned her partner on one project is in Malaysia right now. We talked about the countries we want to visit next (I said Malaysia, she Japan and Paris) and then our talk ventured to books. Because of her fascination in anime and my favor for Japanese food, our convo went back to Japan. Sabi ko mahal kasi dun pero we do want to go there and see some cherry blossoms, haha! I mentioned one of my fave books, "Memoirs of a Geisha" and explained the plot a little. I told her she might enjoy reading it sometime.

She moved towards our bookshelf and started perusing some of the titles there. I made a move to stand up and look for the Memoirs book and you know what she said? "Ops, ops Mommy, Mommy. Stop. Go back," she berated me and pointed me back to my bed. "Ang hot hot mo o. Dapat magpapawis ka ng sobra-sobra Mommy kahit ayaw mo na para mawala lagnat mo. Ganun ginawa ko e," she added matter-of-factly. Suddenly I was the pasaway sick kid and she was the sensible mother.

Shortly after,Ging started to prepare for bed. She kissed me goodnight; I got out of the room to do my chores and was the dishes.

When I came back later, I found my mattress covered with the fitted bed sheet, all smooth and made up, my pillows arranged, blanket spread out neatly, and an extra neck pillow and my pair of sleeping socks laid neatly on top a my pillow. My thoughtful little angel - who had to be coerced every morning to please, please make up her own bed - was already burrowed under the comforter, fast asleep.

Haaaay. Ang sarap naman nun. :)

The Cost of Free Will

"How do you make someone love you without affecting free will?"

This was Bruce's (Jim Carrey) question to God (Morgan Freeman).

And God replied, "Heh, welcome to my world, son."

I caught Bruce Almighty couple nights ago while ironing my daughter's school uniforms. I've watched this before and although it might seems offensive, even blasphemous to some, Bruce was an apt depiction of how most of us perceive God, whether in the past or even up to now.

Bruce asked God this question when his girlfriend Grace (Jennifer Aniston) dumps him after playing God has gone into his head. Frustrated, he realizes that there is more to God than just parting a red sea of tomato soup or making his dog pee in the toilet like a human. 

Freeman's character's reply made me go, oo nga no? God created the heavens and earth and humans; he can do everything. He can even make us all subservient, robotic servants if He wanted to. I mean, HE IS GOD. But despite all these, God still gave us FREE WILL. He gave us the freedom to choose whether we would love or follow Him. We disobeyed him and lived sinful lives that His Son had to die the lowest form of death at that time - on the cross - to purchase our salvation. Wow, free will surely ain't free, right? 

Free will, huh? In the movie, Bruce reflected how most of us live:  we want to play God in our lives. God gave Bruce His powers to prove that He's doing His work right. Aren't we like Bruce sometimes? When struck with misfortunes and struggles, don't we berate God for "not doing His job?" We want to do things our way, succeed on our own capabilities for our own glory. We resent God when His will for us contradicts what we want for our own lives. 

When I invite friends to church or try to share with them, I usually get a refusal with a somewhat apologetic smile. "Saka na ko lalapit kay God pag ready na ko. Aayusin ko muna buhay ko." I used to say this too. Masyado pa kong madaming atraso kay God, nakakahiya naman lumapit, was what I reasoned. In fact, there was a time I was really angry with God, and I thought, why would He listen to me if He knows I was mad at Him and what He's doing to my loved ones? 

But He found a way to chase me relentlessly until He finally caught up with me.  I came to know Him more and forged a relationship with Him and realized, when we are down and broken and fearful and shamed, that's the best time to go to Him. The Bible has so many verses depicting God's favor for the weak and the broken hearted. Here are some of the promises we can hold on to:

"The way of the Lord is a stronghold to the blameless." -Proverbs 10:29

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed spirit." - Proverbs 34:18

"But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.'" - Matthew 14:27

It doesn't matter what your past is or where you are at in your life right now. If you are genuinely repentant and want to know God, He will be there for you.

"For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, it will be opened." -Luke 11:10

One of my first and favorite verses was God's first Word to me when I started walking with Him: "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." -James 4:8

My favorite scene in the movie was when Bruce breaks down upon seeing Grace praying so hard for him and her heart. He cried in the middle of the street, "You win. I'm done. Please, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be God! I want You to decide what's right for me! I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL!" Then he gets slammed in the face by a ten-wheeler.

My prayer us we all have this I-surrender-to-Your-will moment in our lives. Question is, are we going to wait until we get hit by a truck before we do it?

Cross My Heart and Hope to Drive

I renewed my driver's license at LTO Calamba this morning. It was pretty uneventful but not difficult since the way the center is set up and run makes it's easier to go to the designated areas and windows. First stop was the drug test and medical; I was glad for the several glasses of iced tea I chugged down before leaving the house. I got my first license in the Pila office six years ago and the cramped spaces made for an unpleasant and smelly experience. 

There was something new though, that I didn't do when I renewed here three years ago. Before the application can be processed (after the drug and medical tests), we had to stand in front of the waiting area, facing a TV monitor. With right hands raised, we read off a pledge to obey traffic rules and all those stuff we took in the driver's ed written exam. This is apparently what many drivers have promptly forgotten (or chose to ignore)once they got those little plastic cards in their hands.

After every statement ("Titingin sa kaliwa, kanna, kaliw ulit bago lumiko,"Susunod sa tamang bilis ng pagpapatakbo," or something to that effect), we would say, "Dahil dito nakaksalalay ang aking buhay at ito ang nararapat."

I don't know about you, but half of the maniacs behind the wheels of those huge, hulking masses of rubber and metal on our streets and highways certainly do not drive like their (and other people's) lives depend on it and that it is how it should be.

Maybe they ought to videotapes these little swearing-in shows, file it away somewhere, then show it to the offender once he breaks any of "his promises" then... Oh yeah, then what? 


* kuliglig *




*photo from Google

Rewind: 7 Party Looks to Cringe Back On

Last night was our annual office holiday party. Save for the first one (which was held in the office parking lot in 2007 and which I missed; and an early kick-off event in the NBC Tent back in 2008), the shindigs were held at the World Trade Center every January. This year’s party was dubbed “Rewind,” which looked back on all our company’s years of growth, and how we are looking forward to all the new challenges and changes after. There were a lot of murmurs that this would be the “last hurrah” before “we all go our separate ways (or buildings?).” Hmn…

Looking at the pictures, I could hardly believe it was already a year since the last one! My process’ group was quite small last night, which was a bit sad, but still, last night’s festivities and antics also showed how close our little family has gotten. And we’re still the same camera-hungry, dance-floor-hogging party revelers and merry drinkers year in and year out! 

So for fun (I don’t know if you’ll think likewise, but I certainly had fun looking back at my own chakaness from the recent past haha!), I went back and found pictures of me during the previous parties I have attended. Most (if not all) were definitely cringe-worthy, what-was-I-thinking evidence of bad make-up, dress/color choice, lighting, smile and alarming weight-loss that made me wonder if I changed genders sometime in the last few years?

 Happy okraying!

Glam Nation, 2007. My dress was designed by my late friend Janno Farrales when he was just starting out (he designed Judy Ann Santos’ yellow pleather dress on a Preview cover that same year). I had Morticia Addams-inspired black hair was because, after months learning how to dye my own hair, it turned a bright, horrifying shade of orange-brown so I covered it all up with some permanent black goo.

Discovolution, 2008. We did retro 60's to 80’s so I decided on some metallic gray dress that I bought just a couple of hours before the party. It did nothing for my skin tone whatsoever. And what’s with the pandesal-bouffant hair?

Kick-Off Party, 2009. I forgot what the theme was. Apparently, it looks like I forgot to eat for the most part of that year, too. This was my skinniest look ever. Mukha kong lalaking scary! Bad romance can do that. Ewww. I loved my lace black dress, though, although with my too-thin frame and dark complexion, black was not flattering at all. Same goes for my Rihanna-wannabe 'do, but I kinda want this pixie cut again!

2010. Again, I forgot what the theme was, but it looks like I haven’t forgotten my penchant for shiny dresses; this time I think I did a bit better than the silver number from a couple years back. I liked the color and how it complemented my skin, and the knitted fabric made it easy to wear and did not reveal too much. This was also my chubbiest (aside from when I was preggo) but I was growing out my hair and bangs, hence the outdated ponytail. But gosh, I wanna be this healthy again hihi!

Black Party, 2011. I tried curling my hair and I ended up with wet-looking, stringy curls. I had my dress made but the seamstress didn’t really get my idea so my envisioned matte-black, mesh-backed dress ended up as a nondescript, star-satiny blah dress. Hay. Saved by my uber-red lips na lang. Also, I forgot half of this night due to extreme intoxication. But I did remember getting up onstage for some game SamY, one of the hosts, ran, but I forgot to get my prize (apparently I won but was too drunk to claim it). Never again. :)

Vegas Party, 2012. My first time to party sober! I was just six days into my month-long, self-imposed alcohol embargo (see here why I didn't drink that night). Back then, people can’t believe I was NOT drinking and kept shoving alcohol under my nose. I wore a sleeveless sequined top my mom gave me for Christmas and a navy bandage micro-mini. I had ruler-straight hair with bangs. I spent most of the night sipping iced tea in a dark corner and running from the free-flowing beer taps so not many decent pics of me haha!

Rewind, 2013. I wore a white, long-sleeved lace dress I got from Cotton On in HK, same grey pumps from last year and pulled up my bob into a pony and clamped some curly hair-extensions. I did not know how to style my hair, but looking back now, I wish I had worn my hair short kasi lagi na pala ko long hair. Plus, better undies and a stronger lip color. Fail ang smoky eyes and nude lippie haha! And my unforgiving dress keeps revealing my newly-acquired pooch stomach (which was pumped full of iced tea; no drinks for this lady again this year). :)

Oh, well, there’s still next year. Or, is there?!

Books I Read: Emo-Emo-Miney-Moe

Now this book was my former team’s birthday gift to me earlier this month. I have been with them for almost a year, some for more than three years dating back from our old process, so I can say they are also some of my closest friends. And oh, how they know me so well. 

I was quite surprised to receive a book. Our team gifts normally consist of sweets, funny exercise equipments, kinky underwear and the likes. I mean how far can you go with 240 pesos? But I like this team tradition of contributing 20 pesos each every time somebody celebrates their birthday. But it was a pleasant kind of surprise, and I felt blessed to find out it was Leni who chose the book. Remind me to lend it to you as soon as I finish the last few pages. You could definitely benefit from this! J

“Making Your Emotions Work For You: Coping with Stress, Avoiding Burnout, Overcoming Fear… and More” by Harold J. Sala

These days being emotional has a negative connotation. “Emo ka na naman!” means you’re so caught up in your own drama, you’re starting to look pathetic. Not just one person has told me that my being emotional is both my strength and weakness. The ease with which I get along with other people by connecting to them right away, can also be difficult when the time comes that I have to let go. Sometimes I don’t just get attached, I latch!

Anyway, I won’t elaborate more, lest someone heckles me again, “Emo! Taong-grasa moves!” (Inside joke within my team hehe!) I choose to take both praise and criticism in this particular trait of mine with a grain of salt. If I can’t change my overly emotional nature, I can certainly learn to make my emotions work to my advantage. I can make friends with my emotions.

Enter this book. I think that mouthful of a title makes no mistake of what the author wants to get out there. The back blurb describes the author, Harold J. Sala as a PhD holder in English Bible, a well-known speaker and Bible teacher. No surprise then that the book is filled with references from God's Word and practical approach to daily living and decision-making.

One of the book’s key principles is that our emotions are affected by our own assessment of our self-worth. Do we think we’re worth the bother? Are we insecure? How do think others see us? But it should boil down to how God sees us. If we see the way God created us and intended us to be, we will definitely have a healthier and stronger self-image. In Genesis 1:27, it said "God created human beings in his own image." This should be our guiding mind-set whenever we think of self-image and self-worth.

The rest of the book talks about how we can control these emotions and not let it control us. We are human and we cannot NOT have emotions. God designed us this way, to have the capabilities to have strong feelings.  He discusses a Scripture-based approach on how we can deal with life's problems, heartaches, disappointments, stress and worry with the help of our emotions, not by getting ruled or overwhelmed by it.

Now that is such good news for an emotera like me, right?

Books I Read: Let's Talk Love...

I started reading two books simultaneously this month. I finished one and am half-way through the other. Thank God for some idle time at work I can catch up on my reading, plus I don’t fall asleep on my desk, since my station is set apart from my team’s inner pod. I highly recommend reading – and re-reading and Stabilo Boss-ing portions and taking copious notes from – these two books. Here’s the first one…

“The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition” by Gary Chapman

I got mine at Fully Booked in MOA for about PHP 280, but it's also available in Powerbooks and National Bookstore. From the book’s back blurb, Gary Chapman is a New York Times bestselling author, radio host and prolific conference speaker on marriage and relationships. His original book catered mainly for married couples, but after it became a hit, he was inspired to write one targeting singles. I actually saw versions for teenagers and children as well.

His basic premise is that every human has an innate emotional need to love and be loved. And I totally agree on that! Furthermore, if we know how to love others effectively (and others can do the same for us) it would drastically change how we relate to each other - for the better.  

Enter the five love languages, namely: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Tie and Physical Touch. Chapman discusses how each of us - while we may all “speak” or demonstrate all five in or relationships - have a primary (sometimes even secondary) love language. This is the language that we often manifest to people we love or care about, and usually is also the kind of love language we respond to most successfully when spoken to us. By discovering our own love language and of our loved ones, we can show them love in the language they speak and would respond to more effectively.

For example, if my primary language is Physical Touch, I like to hug, kiss or be close to people who are special to me. Likewise, if a loved one touches me, I feel more loved and taken cared of.  A person’s love language can also be discerned not only on what he positively shows, but through his complaints as well. If you shower your girlfriend with gifts but are rarely around her and she complains about not seeing you enough, chances are her love language is Quality Time. Constantly berating a child whose love language is Words of Affirmation will likely have a more hurtful impact.

I cannot do justice to the book by just a few statements. It’s definitely worth reading. The book also contains dozens of stories about the many singles and couples Chapman has counseled through the years using the five love languages. But what I love most about it is ultimately, it discusses love in the way God intended it to be. It doesn’t only tackle romantic, “kilig” love but also genuine love between parent and child, friends, families and even coworkers. In the same way that you would want to learn the language or dialect of a foreign country where you’re at, in order to be able to understand its people and live harmoniously with them, then it makes sense to learn the love language of people you care about. 

There are references to Scripture verses that are apt in our daily living and relationships. At the end, there is also a profile quiz to see what your love language/s is/are. Some people can actually be “bilingual” and have two primary love languages. I suggest taking the quiz first before reading it so there will be no bias or “manipulation” of answers. I actually had an idea what mine was (primary and secondary) but it was still fun to actually confirm it haha! I had some of my office mates take the quiz too. 

I found an online version of the quiz in the book, so if you're up to it, click here. You can take one for yourself, or for your child, whether you are single or married. It's fun! :)