It was at that precise moment, about two weeks ago, when you reached out for your phone to send him a message on impulse that it really hit you. You've probably done this a thousand times before, whenever you feel like ranting or sharing a joke or just to have someone to talk to to while the bus you're riding on crawls at a snail's pace.
You're pissed. In fact, what happened irked you so much your initial reaction was to bring out the bitch and close him out and pretend you hadn't known him since you two were drooling on the nursery school playground.
It wasn't so much about how abruptly he dropped it on you. It wasn't the cliche it's-not-you-it's-me crap that he pulled on you through text. It wasn't all about losing that chance of a possibility.
It's because two months ago he could've walked naked in front of you and it wouldn't have mattered. He could've kissed girls in front of you and you would've applauded him for being over his "emo" phase. You could've talked about sex and men and dirty stuff and it wouldn't feel awkward. You could laugh for hours over how you bullied him in grade school or how you cried bitterly to him over you ex years after he dumped you for another girl.
Maybe it's because he's been one of your best friends for so long, and you were absolutely fine with that. Maybe because he rocked the status quo. You're pissed because he was on your side, he was one of the good guys, and you felt that when he turned away, he was hurting you on purpose.
But what really got your goat is because you know ultimately it's your own fault. You rushed things when it could've gone on it's own pace. Here was a guy who loved the hunt more than the kill, and you went ahead and handed him the damn shotgun.
Maybe after making do without anyone by your side for a long time, the idea of having that someone you've known for years with you excited you so much you blew the whole thing out of proportion that it crashed and burned before it can even take off. It wasn't love. It was just a feeling, a sudden feeling and you overreacted, and you almost lost him for good because of that.
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