Classic lines

Ever been the victims of these classic lines?"Pautang naman, kinain ng ATM yung card ko e." For some time this phenomenon has both fascinated and intrigued me. I have had several people approach me with the intent of borrowing money with this reason. How do ATM cards get eaten by the machine? Really.

I have had a card since I was 14, and at some point I had 3 ATM cards all at ones, all of which I use frequently and I have never had any of them captured. I honestly don't know how this happens. Is it when you input the wrong PIN codes several times or when you try to withdraw ten grand from an account that only has 200 bucks in it? It' s just that I've heard this all too well that I am wary if this is real or just plain reason. The idea is to make the potential lender (me) think that, hey this person has money, it's just gonna take a few days for them to get it. I'm sure they'll pay me back.

But experience has taught me otherwise. Please, I spend 8 hours on the phones everyday, 5 days a week, COLLECTING MONEY from people. The last thing I want to do is to chase and collect money during my free time from errant people who suddenly develop amnesia when payback time comes. Hence: "Sorry, di pa dumadating allowance/padala ni Mom/Ate/So-and-So relative." "Nasa banko na hindi lang ma-withdraw kasi chuva chu chu..." "Hindi pa kasi ako binabayaran ng tropa ko e pambayad ko sana yun sayo chenelyn chenelyn kimberly." And if all else fails, when your constant text messages and calls become all too often: "Sorry wala ako load hindi ako maka-reply, saka low bat di ko masagot tawag mo."I'm not above borrowing money from other people. Sometimes we really need help. Financial help. I just think it should just be between close friends or family, or why not take out a loan, that way you don't hassle other people if you become delinquent.

I guess I'm really tight-fisted when it comes to utangs na, after experiencing a yaya running away with almost 13k worth of utangs in phone bills, an ex-boyfriend accumulating thousands in debt by guilt-tripping me each time he would borrow money for his drug habits (which I would find out much much later, stupid me) or several friends borrowing money and taking forever paying back, soemtimes not in full, soemtimes not at all, the debt buried in oblivion because frankly, you get tired of chasing after 500 bucks or so with all the hassle.

Ever had someone tell you these lines: "Buti ka nga may trabaho/ bonus/ malaki sweldo mo..." like you should feel obligated to fork over your hard-earned moolah because you're earning and they're not and now their starving/can't buy beer on gimiks/ can't go to Galera or Bora/ can't buy that nice PSP. Ay, sorry naman, nakakahiya naman sa akin. A friend once berated, "Live the lifestyle you can afford." When pangungutang becomes a habit because you can't keep up with your bills, then honey it's time to cut back. It's OK to max your cards or get severals loans as long as it's just yourself you're getting into trouble. Let's move on from money (I was ranting weren't I? SORRY hehehe...).

"It's not you, it's me." Classic break-up line! And you know what? Damn it's right! If that asshole is dumping you because it's about him, not you, celebrate the fact! It probably is his pea brain or oversized ego that can't live with the fact that you're smarter, more attractive, richer or more caring about the relationship than he was and will ever be! Don't feel guilty. I think it was my first pseudo-boyfriend back in high school (we were 13) that fed me these line. He was going through a rebellious I'm-too-cool-for-school, shaved-head, ratty-jeans-untucked-polo-socks-with-sandals phase. His parents were on his back to shape up, and I ate up his lame "I don't want to drag you down with me" crap. How gallant! Aayusin daw muna nya ang buhay nya bago nya ako maaasikaso. It would've been believable if weeks after he broke with me, we don't see him getting drunk, partying and smoking his ass off with the "misunderstood" kids at school. P.S. He broke up with me over the phone five days after being uhm, "on" (hahaha how cheesy!) while I was at home with chicken pox.

And what about for those "emergency sick leaves?" (Eek! Biglaang gimik! Beach outing! Concert! Now na!) Suki sa medical certifcates ang UTI and dysmenorrhea for the ladies, fever, flu and LBM for boys and girls alike. Guaranteed a day or two off from work or school. The symptoms are very easy to fake, and harder for nurses and doctors to really verify, especially if people seek treatment a day or two aftr the alleged sickness. "Kukuha lang po ng med certificate para sa absence ko..." "Meron akong (fill in desired sickness.)"

Another effective and over-worn excuse for many is that pesky sore throat/ laryngitis/ pharyngitis. I'm sure 99.9% of all call center workers (and we are thousands here in the PI!) have used this, whether it was true or not. Since it requires extensive voice and sometimes bed rest, patok sa takilya ito pag nangangati kang mag-LOA or mag-absent ng matagal-tagal."We're just friends."

If you're a fan of Pinoy showbiz, you've heard this over and over again from virginal teenybopper loveteams who end up pregnant after several months of denying any relationship, or from married actors/actresses and their young co-stars spotted exiting a hotel/motel/condo unit.

"We're better off as friends." Euphemism for, "You're nice and all but it's really your best friend I'm lusting for."

Optional follow-up: "It's not you, it's (ALL TOGETHER NOW!) ME!"