UPRHS Batch 2000: Time for some kamote again...

It started as a rumor: the Old Rural Building is going to be demolished soon. For those who aren’t from Elbi, it’s the Math Building, that haunted-looking structure in front to St. Therese Chapel. Our batch spent the first three years of our high school life wreaking havoc in this building, and just when we were about to inherit the much-coveted lobby when we became Seniors (an age-old Ruralite tradition), we were shipped off to some far-flung bukid then known as The New site. Urgh.

So, just before Eli, one of our seaman friends and the self-appointed lider-lideran of our barkada even way back, goes off a-sailing, we decided to have a photo shoot in the old site. So after loading up with beer (for the guys), juice, dynamite (that uber-hot cheese-filled jalapeno treat), sisig and liempo at Eli’s new ihawan (Wheeler's Elbi Grill, De Castro Cmpd, Lopez Ave. Batong Malake, Los Banos, Laguna, plug plug!), we went to the Old Rural at 1 AM!

In the middle of mugging it for the camera at the lobby and debating how we can sneak inside the premises (the guys wanted pictures in MPH and the Ipil room, which is the first room to your left upon entering), the guard approached us to tell us the rumor isn’t true. An Elbi landmark such as the Old UPRHS building will NOT be torn down daw. Wooh. Great. But anyway, since we were there, we had pics taken in front of the flagpole too. Tristan, another promotor of this early-morning trip and my co-head in our the planned 15th year reunion, took some random pics of the 2^nd-floor rooms (which used to be Mancono, Molave and Mahogany) in hopes of finding something supernatural turning up in the photos later on.

Me and Chrys at the flagpole we spent some time being tied onto and pelted with flour and soy sauce as part of a school fair's "revenge booth." Kami na ang suki. 

We were known as the Millenium batch, the first batch to graduate from the new site (although thank God we had our ceremonies at the D.L. Umali Hall). During our move the summer of 1999, we had to "igib" flushing water from outside and bring it to the toilets each room had (parang grade school lang, wala pang common restrooms). There was mud mixed with decomposing leaves and animal poop everywhere. 

The UPRHS New Site. Trust me, it didn't look this great back then. Wish I had a picture.

Our canteen was a makeshift mesa resembling a turo-turo and our lunchmates were flies the size of dragonflies. The MPG or gym was built in the middle of our year and as a going away present to the school, our guys' barkada made like construction men and built the volleyball court from scratch, their punishment for being caught with booze during the senior trip to Ilocos.We dreaded doing PT (Physical Training) during the Citizen Army Training drill days on Saturdays because the ground was rocky and sandy and filled with sharp, broken pieces of shell and bottles and of course, the obligatory cow dung. 

We were denied of the upper lobby, especially since we bullied any lowerclassman who dared sat there. We flubbed leading the school song on one flag ceremony and had to endure a major lashing for not memorizing the song even the freshmen knew by heart. 

We sent home a class of lowerclassmen when, in our exuberance at having the dreaded Physics exam cancelled, instead of shouting "Walang exam!" some genius shouted "Walang pasok"! and kids started getting out the school and boarding the shuttle jeeps home. We incurred the ire of the faculty countless times for our katigasan ng ulo, kaangasan and kayabangan. 

We had a lot more and looking back at some of these mischief last night, we were amazed at our youthful naughtiness. I'm glad most of us (I can't say all eh haha!) outgrew these and became fine, upstanding (not to mention handsome and beautiful) citizens of the world. We became doctors, lawyers, teachers, businessmen, media people, graduate students, entrepreneurs, musicians, mothers, fathers, hardworking taxpayers, you name it. Our 10th year reunion was a blast and kudos to the organizers back then. I believe our yearbook was also finished without an official faculty in charge so my respect as well to the yearbook peeps. 

UP Rural High School Batch 2000 during our 10th year reunion last December 10, 2010.

So I really hope we can make that 15th year thingie happen. Batch 2000, I know we're used to reaching for those blasted stars with hardship, but let's make this easy and fun as well, yes? Make those calls, connect, suggest, volunteer, plan and strategize with us. See ya'll soon! Visit our batch's Facebook group (UPRHS 2000) for updates or just plain old kamustahan and chikahan. :)

Love - It Starts With Civility

My devo this morning gave me a good pause to think. God said in 1 Corinthians 13:1, “If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” He exhorts us to “Do everything with love (1 Cor 16:14) and of course we all know the famous verses of how real love should be like in 1 Cor 13:4-7. (Our Daily Journey, RBC Ministries, 2012)

I remembered an instance when I was a fairly new Christian and were encountering various reactions (most of the violent, disbelieving kind) from friends who knew my wild past and were dismissing this change as “just another phase” for me.

An old friend was firing off one question after another about why I “coverted,” why the need to “force” other people in believing in our “movement” and others. I tried explaining it’s not about religion and struggled to illustrate it about having a personal relationship. He’s had a few drinks, but I know he is a sensible guy. Heck, he’s an intelligent guy gifted in conversations. But I felt he was attacking my inability to change because he knew my past so well and maybe didn’t think I can change, or need any religion to save me. And as I tried to lob back his arguments with bits from Scripture and my personal experience thus far, I ended up sounding very defensive and emotional. I mean, I cried on the spot.

That, I think was my ultimate mistake. I was arguing with him on the merit of defending myself. I was trying to justify my actions by seeking to find holes in his questioning and “misguided” thinking. I wasn’t trying to share the grace of God and the true meaning of the Cross to him out of  a noble desire to draw him near to the Lord nor out of genuine love for a fellow human being. I just wanted him to shut up. I was driven by a selfish, wrong motive.

Looking back now, I had prayed about that incident and that should similar situations come up, I hope God would be upon me and use my thoughts and words according to His will. I pray my heart would be clear of any erroneous or dishonest intention. I ask for the ability to be civil in discussion, especially to unbelievers, so that I may reflect not the flaws of our faith, but the power of Jesus in our lives.

Civility should never be mistaken for being “plastic” or fake friendliness. The former is about admitting you and the other parties have differences but you can discuss it calmly without resorting to petty arguments or mudslinging. Agree to disagree. The latter just buries the real issues beneath phony smiles and gestures. Opportunities for improvements are never discussed in the open so they are never given a chance to be resolved.

I had a friend that I had a gap a while back. For months after he hurt me, I completely ignored him. I felt vindicated and justified my actions by thinking, well at least hindi ako namamlastic. Only later did I realize I was not acting out of love. It was hard at first but when he approached me, instead of rebuffing him with harshness, I was civil. We didn't solve all our problems and we never got back to being the close friends we were before but it's better now. At least, we became friends again.

I hope we will also have the gift of discernment to see this on those people running for office this coming May elections. Times like these are always abounding in dirty politicking and smear campaigns between opposing parties.

In the past, I’ve been called “plastic” so many times if it happened now and I walked around Elbi or Muntinlupa, I would’ve been outlawed. Bawal ang plastik sa Los Banos at Muntinlupa. It was a very mean and unproductive quality I have that I truly regret and even now I call upon God’s grace everyday to help me be civil – not to be a phony – in my interactions with people I have disagreements with.

“Let’s make it our personal project to reveal God’s great love as we debate and discuss today’s issues with others.” ~ Roxanne Robbins (Our Daily Journey, RBC Ministries, 2012)

 * pictures grabbed from commonsenseatheism.com and www.wemakethefunny.com.  No copyright infringement intended. 

No More What If's

The movie One More Chance is famous for its quotable quotes. We all know that you-had-me-at-my-best tearjerker, for instance. But a while ago, when I caught the film for the nth time at Cinema One, one of Basha's lines earlier in the movie  caught my fancy (it's not verbatim because I forgot to take it down and Google just spewed off the usual lines):

"I don't want to keep wondering what if; I want to know what is."

Ganda. I'm sure anyone who's ever yearned about stepping out of their comfort zone, of wanting change in their lives, has uttered this line or some variation of it. 

Yeah, some changes are inevitable: puberty, hormones, wrinkles, getting older, death. Those are the inescapable changes life bring. But there are those kinds that actually require effort from us. Loving someone, following our dreams, turning a new leaf, forgiving someone, moving on - these require actions and decisions. More often than not, these aren't just results of our circumstances. It's a will issue. We know what to do or where we're going, but it's still our decision if we will go through it.So says Michael Jackson, if we want change, we gotta start with the man (or woman) in the mirror. 

At times we resort to using excuses to mask our fears, insecurities or inabilities. We say we're not ready when we're just afraid. We use the cliche we don't have the time because whatever or whoever it was that was asking for our time and attention just isn't important enough to us. It's not a matter of having time; it's about making the time. If it matters to us, we'll definitely make time. If not, then we're just playing until it starts getting too much of a responsibility and then we drop it just like that. 

Again, it's a decision. For instance, love. Loving someone is a decision, and you know what, so is moving on. Yeah, we might just wake up one morning and realize all the feeling is gone, but we actually decided beforehand to get to that point.

While some of us are innately brave, for some, it takes additional effort to muster the guts. So if it's asking too much for courage, then at least have respect. Respect yourself and the people around you. Sometimes playing too safe to avoid pain or hurting others can actually backfire; we end up hurting even more, and betraying the trust of those we care about.

I'm all for being cautious in decisions and guarding our hearts as well. But I also believe that sometimes, our well-laid plans get disrupted for good reasons. God is aligning our lives with His will, and it's all for the best. But following God's will doesn't give us license to hurt others or act like jerks. Instead, this knowledge should make us more humble, give us the confidence to be honest and trustworthy.

I once heard it said that the worst feeling in the world is that never-ending barrage of what-if's: regret. So yeah, maybe it's about time we start focusing on what is and what will be instead of the what if's that we can't bring back, yes?

Let Go and Live

I woke up early today and found this in my inbox. A great and inspiring read to start the vacay right. Kinda echoes what a lot of us have been feeling and thinking about in the last few months. I'm a huge believer of giving value to ourselves and not letting any other person or even our past define who we are. I super appreciate the friend who forwarded this.

*emphasis added by me

By Albert Einstein

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love, but the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep with in your being.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving them, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness scare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow your pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end our efforts are still unearned and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving.

Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings, but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow; if you lose love that doesn't mean that you failed in love. Cry if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

UP Kong Mahal

The recent deaths of two young women - the suicide of the UPM student and the murder of an 11-year-old girl in our barangay - made me stop and think. 

I can't even comment on the issue of suicide, because, as it has been repeatedly said in the last few days, it is indeed a complex matter and we can't just point to a single reason why this happens. 

It just made me think of how I had taken for granted my own stay in UP. I graduated from UP Rural High School, which is the preparatory secondary school here in UPLB. Back then (1996), only 160 students were accepted every year (this has been cut down to 120 in the last few years, I believe, since they removed one section comprising of 30 students per year level). 

*Old Rural building in front of St. Therese Chapel (now the Math Building) where we spent Freshman-Junior year. We had to relocate to the new site for our Senior Year.

Our tuition back then was a little more than PHP 1000 per year, and for this we got some of the best teachers in the area, more freedom compared to other private high schools and more or less the confidence that we have a better chance of getting into a good college, preferably UP. I remembered that while I got decent grades (except Math and some sciences with numbers and all, which I managed to pass by mercy of my teachers and copying from my friends), I never really exerted much effort. I was busier with extra-curricular activities and typical teenage rebellion stuff like barkada, vices and cutting classes. I shudder when I think of Ging going to high school, and as early as now I am praying to God she doesn't end up like me, haha! 

Ruralites did have a rep of being mayabang, especially once they get into UP colleges. Since we were the high school counterpart of UPLB, we had a tendency to look down on other schools, and act all smug when, say, we had to read The Little Prince or Of Mice and Men in Humanities subjects and we'd go like, yeah, we read that in high school already. I'm not saying we're all like that; I'm speaking for myself and some people I would rather not name. I don't think most of us even took the UPCAT reviews the school offered the summer before senior year quite seriously. Most of us were just glad for some excuse to get allowance during the summer. 

*The new site in Paciano, Bay. We were the pioneer batch and the word 'rural" took on a whole new meaning for us. Barriotic talaga when we first came here!

I guess this confidence was the reason why I didn't bother to take any entrance exams from other colleges. That and that my mother was a UP employee, so I figured she and her friends can figure something out in case I got wait-listed or something. A lot of my high school friends were also kids of UP staff so we shared this feeling of dependence.

Thankfully (and now I attribute this to the sheer grace of God!), I passed the UPCAT and got into my college and course of choice. For the next four years, my tuition was PHP 45 per semester because of the Tuition Fee Exemption (TFE) granted to children of UP staff and employees. If I want to add another subject, it cost PHP 10. During my last two years, I would often resort to late reg and just do pre-rog to my instructors once classes start, instead of queuing for hours in the registration line. I paid PHP 50 for late fine. My two other sisters also went to UPRHS and UPLB. My eldest sister took Medicine in UP Manila, and my other sister is taking up her Masters in UPLB now (she's a UP employee now too; my mom retired two years ago). Nowadays, the cost of one unit would've been enough to put me through college for many, many years. While I got better grades in college (even landing in the honor roll and college scholar list a few times), I still lived a pretty laid back, partying lifestyle. I got pregnant during my second year but still managed to graduate only a semester after my peers. Looking back now, I never had to worry about paying my tuition, allowance, food or lodging; we lived right in campus. I hope my daughter will never have to experience that too, and will value her education much more than I did. I have such high regard for those students who study hard and work even harder to stay in school and not take any of these for granted.

*The familiar UP Los Banos signage upon entering the UP Gate

* Si Oble. Behind him is the Humanities building and my college org's fave hangout, the Hum Steps.

The other news is that of the young girl found dead two weeks after she went missing. She was found just a few villages from where I live! The jeepney-pedicab route that goes from the Animal Science area inside campus and plies the route of subdivisions around the campus perimeter (including our own village) is a familiar route me, Ging, Ige and my family have taken numerous times. It hit closer to home because Ging is also 11. The moment someone texted me the news and I saw it on the bus TV  as well, I immediately texted my mom and sister and asked them to hug my daughter and keep a close eye on her. My heart goes out to the victim's family. Losing a child is one of the greatest pain any parent can go through, I hate to even imagine how that feels.

UPLB has been in the news the last couple of years due to some recent crimes and deaths. I hope the local government will continually do something about these and not just while the issue is hot.

Let us just pray for these two girls, and for their families as well. For whatever reasons these incidents happened, let us hope for healing, peace and awareness to come to our hearts and communities. 

Respect or Trust

Which would you rather have people give you, their respect or their trust?

The following may or may not be true but they’re just my two cent's worth. These could just be mindless rambling of a sleep-deprived girl on a Milo-overdose.

You can respect someone by virtue of their position, stature or authority. You might not agree with him all the time nor respect his values for example, but you have to at least respect his superiority over you somewhat. Then there is the kind of respect that’s earned, that’s a result not only of one’s position but also as product of his character and values. That’s good.

But for me, trust goes deeper than respect or admiration. It connotes some kind of dependency. There’s a sense of confident reliance on this person, as if you could fall with your eyes closed and he’d catch you, no questions asked.  You might respect someone’s opinions, views and decision for their sheer rationality and sense, but you may or may not follow them. But when you trust someone’s word, there’s some sort of expectation that you would believe him, follow him through because, heck, you trust him with your secrets and life!

Both should be earned. They can't be bought, bribed, sweet-talked, borrowed, threatened nor traded in. Both take time to build, though I believe trust takes longer. But who am I to talk; I trust people at the drop of a hat. But once this trust is broken, it takes me for-e-ver to give it back, especially if say, the person or persons involved don’t do anything to try to earn back what was lost. I like to think that if you have both the respect and trust of others, then you have credibility. And that’s a huge and awesome thing to have. 

*photo lifted from savagechickens.com. No copyright infringement intended.

I Am Loved

I had the privilege of leading our Victory Group session earlier today. And praise God our little group is complete, despite each of our own hectic skeds, travels and chores at home. We usually have our Bible study at Kaphe, a quirky coffee shop right at the SEARCA Dorm lobby. Their Genmaicha, Lemongrass iced tea and homemade Oreos are Sunday faves.

So glad to be reminded of God's love, and blessed by my group mates' sharing of how His love is evident in their lives as well.

"...The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." ~Exodus 34:6-7 

Indeed God is compassionate and gracious. He is merciful. He is God - high and mighty - yet stoops down on us inferior humans to extend grace and favor. Like a father who disciplines the children He loves, yet still provides a way for us to be redeemed - through His son Jesus. The verse mentions "wickedness, rebellion and sin" to show that there is no sin God is unable to forgive.

God is slow to anger. He is long suffering. He is ever patient with us, and I'm glad He is. Imagine if we have a short-fused God who gets irate at the tiniest mistake. Lagot tayo diyan!

God abounds in love and faithfulness. I remember a line from the song "One Thing Remains" (Jesus Culture) that stuck to me for days after first hearing it: "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me." Imagine  if God's love is just adequate or "sakto lang." What would happen to us if God's love has a limit, if it is not unconditional, like how most of us love others? It is so abundant that while we were still sinners, He forgave us through Christ dying for our sins (Romans 5:8).

This knowledge of God's love doesn't give us license to sin, but rather gives us the confidence to repent and go back to Him each time we fall.

Now since we are loved so faithfully, unconditionally and abundantly, then we can strive to love others as well. We can forgive others because God first forgave us. We are blessed so that we can be a blessing to others.

*Professional discipleship group materials available at victorylosbanos.org. 

That Unstoppable Man

Let's watch this! 

I knew I read about Nick Vujicic quite some time ago in Reader's Digest and was just amazed by how he manages to survive. Now I want to get touched by how his faith allowed him not only to live day by day but to reach out and inspire many people all over the world. 

Nick, according to Wikipedia: "is a Serbian Australian evangelist and motivational speaker born with tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs. As a child, he struggled mentally and emotionally as well as physically, but eventually came to terms with his disability and, at the age of seventeen, started his own non-profit organization, Life Without Limits. Vujicic presents motivational speeches worldwide, on life with a disability, hope and finding meaning in life. He also speaks about his belief that God can use any willing heart to do his work and that God is big enough to overcome any and all disabilities."

I came across this when Ros, the other VG leader in our merged cell group, invited us. I hope we can push through with this. He's such an admirable person who obviously went through a lot of struggles in his life, but came out with a faith in God much stronger and bolder than most people. 

We're The Lost Sheep

I'm feeling kinda ambivalent in the last couple of weeks. I'm usually okay, then I'd get sucked into sudden bursts of being down, then I'd snap out of it, then I'd drift into it again unexpectedly. Sometimes, the intensity of it catches me off guard. I'd pray and ask God, this too, shall pass... right? 

Read a recent post on blog I'm following, and I was really encouraged. I remembered the parable of the lost sheep when I read it. When a sheep wanders off from its flock, the shepherd will leave the rest in search of the lost one. She tells that to keep the sheep from wandering off again, the shepherd will break one of its legs so that the sheep may lie still and finally find peace where he's at. Otherwise, it will keep straying off and get lost forever. That's when a shepherd would make sheep "lie in green pastures." Break a leg, literally? Ouch. But believe it or not, it has happened to us many times.

I liked how she compared that to God - our own shepherd. Isn't God in perpetual search for us lost sheep who had gone astray? And when we insist on going on our own way, disobeying Him and ignoring His will, doesn't God allow us to get broken, so we can be stronger and wiser, learn harder and finally seek Him and return to Him? Because only through God can we find that elusive peace. Only through Jesus can we finally rest all our sins, worries and fears.

*Photo from lyndasgrainsofsand.blogspot.com. No copyright infringement intended.

Love

A P.S. entry I was going to publish earlier, but got side-tracked by a lot of stuff, sowee. ;)

Good to know I've learned quite a few points about this wonderful, perplexing emotion - from a friend's break up, other people's (esp fellow singles') own views and perceptions, couples' love stories, the preachings at church during the 3-week "Will You" series about biblical love, friendship and relationships, the "Seasons of Love" talk we attended. I'm not saying I became an expert (ha! Far from it!) but it did open my eyes (and yes, my heart) to some new principles. Old mindsets were broken, previous notions debunked or validated.

We're all too familiar with the 1 Cor 13 verses. Heck, I knew it by heart when I heard the dying Mandy Moore say it to reformed bad boy Shane West (cue sniffles and tears). Years later, I came to appreciate its deeper meaning because I know now that the love being described there is also God.

Because of our innate desire to love and be loved, we often jump into relationships too soon. We want the first one that comes our way to be The One. I know I did. And because I was still insecure, incomplete and had a distorted concept of love, I failed. We failed. Many times.

In my three decades I realized I'm not yet ready to be 100% to love someone in the unconditional, selfless kind of love we all should aspire.

I did an exercise our pastor showed us couple of weeks ago. I asked myself:

Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I not envy? Do I boast? Am I proud? Am I rude? Am I not self-seeking? Do I get angry easily? Do I keep a record of wrongs? Do I delight in evil or find joy in the truth? Do I protect always? Do I trust? Do I hope? Do I always persevere?

I know I can't love as perfectly as God does; even I can't love God as perfectly as He does me. I can't do all these all the time, but I'll hold on for that someone who will make me want to be all these not just to him, but to other people as well.

Buh-bye February, You Were Great!

Whew, whatta week!

Let's back track a bit to the weekend. my office barkada and I went back to Sitio Sampaloc, Zambales for some much-needed break and jump start the summer. What was planned as a big-group annual lakad dwindled to just seven of us plus a couple of new pals - Riz, her friends, me, Aclo, Honey, Leni, Boop and Cy, the last three being first-timers to the pristine, private island and the unspoiled fresh-water falls we visited last year.We had a lot of fun hanging out at the beach, eating fresh sea food, frolicking in the natural pool and stone slides and the hotdog-and-marshmallow fest around the camp fire. The only twist to the otherwise serene vacay was the trip back. 

The sun was super bright but the wind was strong, so our plan to leave the island at 10 AM was shelved. Eventually, the bangkero decided to split our group into two and our group left first at 3 PM. Call me OA but it was my first time to travel on an itty-bitty boat while huge waves rocked and drenched us. Thank the Lord we survived it (as well as the second group who sailed at night!) and we vowed never to travel on that tiny excuse of a boat without life vests. Wooh. Looking back, it was a careless thing to do, especially for a mother like me. Another blessing was when we got back in Olongapo, my sister Joy and her family were spending the night in Subic so they adopted little sunburned, starving me and fed me. It was such a luxury sleeping that night on a soft, hotel bed after a night camping on a sarong spread on the shore. I was on leave the next day so I traveled for most of the day, then watched Once Upon A Time Season 2 and rested for the rest of the day.

The next day, February 26, was a very special day for me, although I didn't really plan anything grand, since I was still bushed from the weekend's events. I was on half-day leave, though. Praised and thanked the Lord for finding and saving me a year ago. Has it been a year already? Just spent some quiet time with the only man in my life now (Hi, Jesus!), and treated myself to some cappuccino, blueberry cheesecake and a new book about a forty-something writer's personal chronicles about men and their psyche. My plan for a little city sojourn for some authentic Chinese food and buy the Bible I was looking for a while now would have to be resked muna. 

Another half-day for me the next day, since we have the management strategy planning at Parque Espana. It was a great day of realizations, looking back at the year of planning (2012) and looking forward to the year of execution (2013), games, food trip, cheese talks (watched "Who Took My Cheese?") and learned a lot from our guest speaker, Alvin from our business partner. My favorite nugget from his talk goes something like, the grass isn't always greener on the other side; you just have to water your own greens on your side. Spent the night at the posh hotel suite with Jown, Dman and Myk and had a great - if bitin and abbreviated - talk due to sleepiness and tiredness. Next time we will go swimming and try the jacuzzi, please?

I also got to spend a little time sitting beside an old friend the next day at work. Haven't really talked nor interacted with him for a quite a while. It was kinda like a case of the more things change, the more they stay the same. We still found the same things funny and by mid-day had lapsed into the same hiritans we used to do before things got, well, tricky (I was gonna say complicated but that term has gotten a bad rep when Facebook started using it as a relationship status label). In hindsight - and this I honestly say without any tinge of regret or bitterness - it occurred to me just how much pain, time and effort I could have saved myself if I had just taken his friendship at face value right from the start. Things would've been simpler if after that fateful Sunday exactly a year and two days ago, we had gone back to our own lives, each one entirely separate and different from each other and just stayed friends, in the truest sense of the word. 

Later that day was our town hall, and then I helped film my old team, Team Dorobo, do a crazy Harlem Shake dance at the office parking lot.  Watching them, I got a pang I sometimes feel when watching Ging do her own stuff now, and think back to when she was younger and can't do anything for herself and would need Mommy's help on everything. 

Capped this week with a team dinner at Bon Chon. Here's to hoping the good vibes will be a great start for the month of March. Time to put all those find-my-cheese lessons to action, eh?

Broken Hearts Need a Break Too

Okay, since it's February and a friend's situation came to mind during my quiet time, I had to write this. I can't promise this would be my last love-themes post but I'll try, okay? :)

 How do we heal a broken heart? For most of us girls, it involves endless ranting and rehashing to friends and anyone who would listen, copious amount of tears, play lists of the most heart-wrenching love songs on repeat-mode, buckets of liquor, the occasional threat of bodily harm to the guy involved (and any third party, if applicable), and a defiant hunt for the next distraction, i.e., the rebound.

Sad to say, most of us still drop into the habit of doing most of the stuff above. Sure we get well-meaning advice about moving on and focusing on the good things, but in our most vulnerable, selfish moments, it's easier to wallow in self-pity. Mas masarap magpaka-kawawa, diba, especially this time of the year, when all the Valentine brouhaha is assaulting our senses.

We've heard the saying, "Don't let your emotions take over." I think that's sound advice. But since the heart is mostly an emotional organ, I think it's also fair to give it ample time to grieve if hurt, to heal once broken. I've always believed the heart is very resilient, but just like any other living thing, if it's wounded, then it needs time to recuperate. This doesn't give us license to flounder in a victim mindset, but it does allow us to give our heart a break.

And I think this is the best time not to make any important decisions or engage in any impulsive actions. Mabuti pang mag-SL or LOA muna ang puso imbes na isabak ulit sa laban. I learned this the hard way numerous times, and I hope this time, the lesson would stick.

While diving right back into the dating scene or drowning our sorrows in alcohol and negative thoughts might seem therapeutic –and yes, it will work for a while – it’s all temporary. When the rush of a new guy or the buzz of yet another drinking binge wears off, we’re left feeling emptier and sadder than when we started.

The heart is deceitful, as well. We may think we know it and can control it, but we can't. Only God can. He knows us thoroughly, loved us even while we were still sinners, and can tell each and every desire of our hearts. It's hard and sometimes, even in my faith in Him, I struggle to come to terms with my limitations. We fall into the trap of going to Him only when all else had failed, but really, we should have come to Him from the start. 

*photo from Google. No copyright infringement intended.

Gifts, Lessons and Thoughts of the Past week

The past few days went by in a blur of calls, cold meds, flood of office emails, and the occasional skirmish or two. Had a lot of thoughts and insights during this week, too.

Started the week with a little miscommunication that hopefully, will not blow out of proportion nor extend into the next coming days. Will continue to step up though, as long as I have the best intentions in mind, and no aim to hurt nor belittle other people. Lesson learned.

Realized as well one fact of life: sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do. We can’t run on emotions alone. Even the Bible says the heart is untrustworthy. The brain and the heart have to work together; one is not superior over the other, but there are times when one has to yield to the other. This time, it pays to be smart. Well maybe not “smart,” but I guess “wiser” is more apt.

Felt kinda floating and far-off, as well. Like I belong everywhere and nowhere. I wanted a sole person to be able to tell everything without judgment, malice or wrong motives. Just plain, best-friendship. I was alternately feeling crappy and buoyant all throughout the week (must be the meds or might be bipolar?!), and while I have a lot of close friends to go to, I realized I also have a lot of friends I am hesitant on approaching.

Lastly, I came across the phrase, “the gift of discernment” and for some reason it stuck to me. Got me thinking if I have it. If not, then I pray to God he heaps me with lots of it hahaha! Wikipedia defines discernment as such:

Discernment is the activity of determining the value and quality of a certain subject or event, particularly the activity of going past the mere perception of something and making detailed judgments about that thing. As a virtue, a discerning individual is considered to possess wisdom, and be of good judgement; especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others.

I fervently hope – with God’s grace – that in everything I do, I may be able to go beyond the face value of something, to be wise enough to see what others don’t see right away, to peel off the layers and make good judgments based on the truth.

*photo from themominitiative.com. No copyright infringement intended.

Pitch Perfect is Perfectly Aca-awesome

WATCH PITCH PERFECT. Like, now na!

Ermengaaaaard! This movie really brought out the frustrated singer in me. Grabe! I was a fan of Glee on its first season but got bored by the second season and haven't watched a single episode I think after the Britney tribute.

But wow! I think if they make Pitch Perfect into a series, it's gonna whoop Glee's, er, back. I've always liked acapella pieces better, or covers with minimal instruments, like what Boyce Avenue does. It makes me focus more and appreciate just the voice and lyrics without any distracting auto-tune or snazzy electropop effects most artists are so fond of now.

The movie's about an all-girl college acapella group, The Barden Bellas, competing against an all-male rival from the same university, The Tremblemakers. Fresh from a humiliating loss last year, the remaining two Bellas recruit misfits to compete again. Beca, an aspiring music producer, finds herself in college and in the Bellas reluctantly at first, but then grows to value the group and even helps them shake up the old, tired routines with her amazing voice and musical knowledge.

Check out the trailer here!

The clip below is one of my favorite scenes, when they were preparing for the Nationals and did a mash-up of Bruno Mars "Just The Way You Are" and Nelly's "Just A Dream." Chills!

Check out their performance for the finals which I had to watch like, three times even though it's already 1 AM. Mash up of Price Tag/Don't You/Give Me Eevrything. Galing talaga!

The Good, The Bad and... And The One

You were always afraid of being alone. You thought being alone equates to being lonely. You had boyfriends before, dated guys you don’t really like just for the sake of not being single. This explains why you held on to past relationships longer than you should have, wasted time, money and effort on imagined attractions, and ruined friendships because you thought they could be more than that. Several times you fell into the trap of being in love with the idea of love because the opposite thought of it was, well, lonely.

It’s true that our God is a jealous God. Until He knows that you love Him above everything else, He’s not going to send another person that will take your eyes off Him. And because He loves you so much, He wants to make sure the next one He sends your way will love and treat you in the way He intended to be. And because you are His precious daughter, He made sure those shoes would be really big to fill!

Now you realize why God sent you the bad boys, those insensitive, emotionally-impaired, commitment-phobes who broke your heart and turned you bitter at first, but wiser and stronger later on. He did that so when He does send you a good guy, you’d know the difference. The good ones will let you know that men like these do exist, and they can see you not as broken or defective like you used to view yourself, but just as God sees you: complete, able and worth the bother. You may not end up with the first good guy you cross paths with, but then you’ll know that there’s The One out there who’s meant just for you.

With faith and prayer, claim that The One is doing exactly what you’re doing right now: praying for you. Believe that your future guy is also patiently readying himself, working on becoming the man you deserve so that when you finally meet him, it will be at the right place, at the right time – His time. God indeed has perfect timing, but you can’t leave it all up to Him, right? When the right time comes, it also helps if you’re at the right place and you’re doing the right thing. Trust that whoever he is or wherever he's at right now, he is on his way to you, and he is trying to get to you as fast as God is allowing him to. 

Believing in Sama-Sama

We had our process’ monthly town hall last Thursday. The usual format is we give awards for perfect attendance peeps, top performers and teams, and then we would have the usual games or whatever theme contests there are. This being the first of the year 2013, our People Work Stream had us bring paper and crayons for the “Draw Mo Vision Mo” segment. The four teams had to come up with a new team name, slogan and logo which would embody their team’s vision for this year.

Team Vange/Pao drew a huge octopus with six tentacles representing the six members. The headset-wearing sea creature says, “This is it, Pus It” (a word play on Push It) and envisions working together well despite six different personalities mixing in, under the guidance of our newest performance-coach-turned-relief-AMO Pao, while Vange is on maternity leave.

Team Dman/Dorobo is now Daga-Daga-Gang who is aiming for “One Team, One Goal to Success” (I’m not sure if this is verbatim, please correct me if I’m wrong!). Their logo had, of course, a rat, surrounded by stars of equal sizes and a trophy, among others. Being a consistent Dream Team awardee and constant Hit Club suki, the team foresees a year of unity and hard work with no star mentality – plus more GC’s to fund their teambuilding activities.

Team Jown will now be known as Team Juno – J for Jown and Uno for number one. They drew a shield to represent protecting our company’s customers. Their vision is to be solid to be champions!

Our team chose a catchy phrase, “Think One, Team Van.” We drew a huge number 1 surrounded by traced outline of our hands. It depicted our goal to hold hands as a symbol of unison, to be closer as a team and to our manager; hence the name Team HK (Hawak Kamay) We believe to be united as a process harmony has to start within the team. Our aim is not only to be #1 in numbers –both individually and as a team – but to give out a performance worthy of a top rating in all that we do. At the end of the day, it’s not whether we get the actual 1 or not, but that we could proudly and honestly say that win or fail, we never lacked effort in trying; we did not hold back our best. Whatever personal struggles, distractions, emotional state or mood we are in, when we are at work, our heart, mind and focus should be at doing our job and doing it well.

Last year, our process mantra was BELIEVE. The year was fraught with surprises, changes and losses. There were a lot of uncertainties going around, so I guess faith in our management and each other was important. We shrunk from 8 teams, 8 managers and 2 MO’s to now just 4 teams, 4 AMO’s and 1 MO. But what we lost in people count, we made up for stronger and closer personal and professional relationships. This is a department where team names are actually just for reports and seating plans and admin purposes; we could literally be in any other team and be happy. Each rep can go on auto-pilot even with minimal or no supervision. Most, if not all, perform not because we were told we have to, but because we know we have to – and want to.

This year, it is SAMA-SAMA. And Jown’s opening remarks at the town hall quite sums up that we are off to a good start this year. Only a month into 2013 and already we’ve had several team building activities, girls’ movie night, spaghetti parties, boys’ basketball nights, to name a few. We stuck together and partied hard during the Rewind Party in WTC, and the process Facebook group is still a popular stress-reliever for a lot of us, nyaha!

Sama-Sama. It’s all about sticking together, because, hey, we are all we’ve got. It’s about working together despite and in spite of our differences, of not pulling each other down. I believe this is where sensitivity, honesty, trust, credibility, sense of humor and just plain hard work come in. Walang petiks, walang basag trip, walang iwanan. I mean, let’s be realistic; not all of us will reach retirement in this company, let alone in this department (Good grief I hope I don’t, despite being the most tenured here haha!). But whatever other opportunities we’re looking at outside, whatever dreams we’re trying to pursue as well, whatever other rackets and whatnot we have on the side, when we’re at work, let’s give it our 110%, all day, every day!  

Aww-moments with my Ging-ging

Just want to share kasi super natuwa naman ako.

I went home feeling really crappy: my throat feels like it's being scrubbed by a steel brush every time I swallow, my nose was clogged, my head was pounding and my whole body feels really heavy and achy all over, yung parang tatrangkasuhin ka? After eating, I laid on the bare mattress on our room's floor to rest for a little while before washing the dishes. I've been squatting on the floor ever since Ging had a bout of head lice during summer and we started sleeping on separate beds para di magkahawahan. Eventually she just got used sleeping on the big bed alone and, save for a few times, she prefers having the bed all to herself. Plus she likes to sleep with the fan on full blast, even in the middle of the cold December and January nights. E lamigin ako so, off to the floor I go.

Ging was preparing to go to sleep and she noticed me almost comatose on the floor. I asked her to sit with me for a few minutes and talk about school. I must admit, most nights, in our tiredness or both distracted by chores, TV or other stuff, we neglect to really talk. That's what I'm working on improving in our relationship.

I asked her about several projects she's working on, when's the presentation and all that stuff. She mentioned her partner on one project is in Malaysia right now. We talked about the countries we want to visit next (I said Malaysia, she Japan and Paris) and then our talk ventured to books. Because of her fascination in anime and my favor for Japanese food, our convo went back to Japan. Sabi ko mahal kasi dun pero we do want to go there and see some cherry blossoms, haha! I mentioned one of my fave books, "Memoirs of a Geisha" and explained the plot a little. I told her she might enjoy reading it sometime.

She moved towards our bookshelf and started perusing some of the titles there. I made a move to stand up and look for the Memoirs book and you know what she said? "Ops, ops Mommy, Mommy. Stop. Go back," she berated me and pointed me back to my bed. "Ang hot hot mo o. Dapat magpapawis ka ng sobra-sobra Mommy kahit ayaw mo na para mawala lagnat mo. Ganun ginawa ko e," she added matter-of-factly. Suddenly I was the pasaway sick kid and she was the sensible mother.

Shortly after,Ging started to prepare for bed. She kissed me goodnight; I got out of the room to do my chores and was the dishes.

When I came back later, I found my mattress covered with the fitted bed sheet, all smooth and made up, my pillows arranged, blanket spread out neatly, and an extra neck pillow and my pair of sleeping socks laid neatly on top a my pillow. My thoughtful little angel - who had to be coerced every morning to please, please make up her own bed - was already burrowed under the comforter, fast asleep.

Haaaay. Ang sarap naman nun. :)

The Cost of Free Will

"How do you make someone love you without affecting free will?"

This was Bruce's (Jim Carrey) question to God (Morgan Freeman).

And God replied, "Heh, welcome to my world, son."

I caught Bruce Almighty couple nights ago while ironing my daughter's school uniforms. I've watched this before and although it might seems offensive, even blasphemous to some, Bruce was an apt depiction of how most of us perceive God, whether in the past or even up to now.

Bruce asked God this question when his girlfriend Grace (Jennifer Aniston) dumps him after playing God has gone into his head. Frustrated, he realizes that there is more to God than just parting a red sea of tomato soup or making his dog pee in the toilet like a human. 

Freeman's character's reply made me go, oo nga no? God created the heavens and earth and humans; he can do everything. He can even make us all subservient, robotic servants if He wanted to. I mean, HE IS GOD. But despite all these, God still gave us FREE WILL. He gave us the freedom to choose whether we would love or follow Him. We disobeyed him and lived sinful lives that His Son had to die the lowest form of death at that time - on the cross - to purchase our salvation. Wow, free will surely ain't free, right? 

Free will, huh? In the movie, Bruce reflected how most of us live:  we want to play God in our lives. God gave Bruce His powers to prove that He's doing His work right. Aren't we like Bruce sometimes? When struck with misfortunes and struggles, don't we berate God for "not doing His job?" We want to do things our way, succeed on our own capabilities for our own glory. We resent God when His will for us contradicts what we want for our own lives. 

When I invite friends to church or try to share with them, I usually get a refusal with a somewhat apologetic smile. "Saka na ko lalapit kay God pag ready na ko. Aayusin ko muna buhay ko." I used to say this too. Masyado pa kong madaming atraso kay God, nakakahiya naman lumapit, was what I reasoned. In fact, there was a time I was really angry with God, and I thought, why would He listen to me if He knows I was mad at Him and what He's doing to my loved ones? 

But He found a way to chase me relentlessly until He finally caught up with me.  I came to know Him more and forged a relationship with Him and realized, when we are down and broken and fearful and shamed, that's the best time to go to Him. The Bible has so many verses depicting God's favor for the weak and the broken hearted. Here are some of the promises we can hold on to:

"The way of the Lord is a stronghold to the blameless." -Proverbs 10:29

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed spirit." - Proverbs 34:18

"But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.'" - Matthew 14:27

It doesn't matter what your past is or where you are at in your life right now. If you are genuinely repentant and want to know God, He will be there for you.

"For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, it will be opened." -Luke 11:10

One of my first and favorite verses was God's first Word to me when I started walking with Him: "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." -James 4:8

My favorite scene in the movie was when Bruce breaks down upon seeing Grace praying so hard for him and her heart. He cried in the middle of the street, "You win. I'm done. Please, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be God! I want You to decide what's right for me! I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL!" Then he gets slammed in the face by a ten-wheeler.

My prayer us we all have this I-surrender-to-Your-will moment in our lives. Question is, are we going to wait until we get hit by a truck before we do it?

Cross My Heart and Hope to Drive

I renewed my driver's license at LTO Calamba this morning. It was pretty uneventful but not difficult since the way the center is set up and run makes it's easier to go to the designated areas and windows. First stop was the drug test and medical; I was glad for the several glasses of iced tea I chugged down before leaving the house. I got my first license in the Pila office six years ago and the cramped spaces made for an unpleasant and smelly experience. 

There was something new though, that I didn't do when I renewed here three years ago. Before the application can be processed (after the drug and medical tests), we had to stand in front of the waiting area, facing a TV monitor. With right hands raised, we read off a pledge to obey traffic rules and all those stuff we took in the driver's ed written exam. This is apparently what many drivers have promptly forgotten (or chose to ignore)once they got those little plastic cards in their hands.

After every statement ("Titingin sa kaliwa, kanna, kaliw ulit bago lumiko,"Susunod sa tamang bilis ng pagpapatakbo," or something to that effect), we would say, "Dahil dito nakaksalalay ang aking buhay at ito ang nararapat."

I don't know about you, but half of the maniacs behind the wheels of those huge, hulking masses of rubber and metal on our streets and highways certainly do not drive like their (and other people's) lives depend on it and that it is how it should be.

Maybe they ought to videotapes these little swearing-in shows, file it away somewhere, then show it to the offender once he breaks any of "his promises" then... Oh yeah, then what? 


* kuliglig *




*photo from Google